Ever, have you ever ‘lost’ so much that you felt that there is nothing else for you to lose?
This last loss – this is it? Empty. Emptied. There is nothing left.
Well, I have. Over and over again; and on one occasion 14 years ago, my loss could have been myself.
Everything Is Gone Now, Right?
Loss is one of those words that gives me trouble or gets me in trouble with others. How? Simply because I have come to learn that there really is no “loss” so to speak. Some of my friends do not understand that and feel I am either in denial or cold. I am neither.
My most recent “loss” – the man who I married only five months before he was murdered. After being single for close to a decade, I finally relented and agreed to marry the man who I was dating for two years. We got married in January 2020 and on the morning of July 4, 2020, he was shot and killed in Jamaica.
Never ever say never but it certainly feels as if this is it. There is nothing left for me when it comes to relationship and marriages. Gone. Done. Finished. Right?
But, There Are Lessons In Loss
Like you, life has knocked me over so many times – and I have gotten up stronger. The lessons learned from KO’s often are some of the greatest.
So why then call them losses? Yes, relationships end, money flies out the window, people walk away, employment terminates, loved ones show their real intention, some die and on and on it goes.
In and through all of this, if we are game and allow life to show its power, it is quite possible that we will gain:
- A sense of self beyond imagination
- Strength to grow through just about any ‘adversity’
- Wisdom to know and do better
One Other Thing
The greatest insight, however, that I gained from my KO’s is vulnerability! Shame is not something that stymies me. I will cry, laugh, wet my pants wherever, when and for whatever reason that I feel moved to so do!
What happens when people open their hearts? They get better. Haruki Murakami
Through all of my adversities, my heart has opened more widely. With each crack, more light has entered and brightened my soul. Does that mean nothing is hard or challenging for me? If that is what you think, you would be very wrong.
Only yesterday on Facebook I came across a picture of a statue bent at the waist and on its knees in grief. “That’s me,” I wrote. Since my husband’s death, waves of grief, then the laps of calming peace wash over me.
The same is true for you. You cry and in the midst of your tears, you find the strength to embrace the experience of loss. And you get up.
Ever Is A Long Time
My view is simple, it can only be a loss if you allow people or situations to cause you to give up. Those of us who have had bouts with clinical depression and even have attempted or contemplated suicide, we live every day with the “visitations” of this very “friendly” condition. Depression is an insidious dis-ease and visitor who hates to leave.
In my experience, when challenged by persons and/or situations such as uncaring or insensitive people, I turn to – you guessed it – Me. If possible, I go to a mirror and do my work. I talk to myself, reminding the strong woman looking back at me of who and Whose I really am.
Life goes on – if you choose to stay on the ride, and a ride it is indeed.
This pandemic has caused an increase in depression among populations across the world. We have lost a lot – things, jobs, relationships. However, “this too shall pass.”
We beg you if you feel as if you want to give up and looking within is not working for you, reach out. Please know we are available to listen and direct you to local supports. Leave a comment on our blog posts, like and follow our Facebook, Instagram, Twitter profiles and send us a message.
Do have a great day and remember, it is only a loss when you give up!
Peace and Love,