Clarity and focus do not always come from God or inspirational quotes. Usually, it takes your mother to slap the reality back into you.”―
It is funny how you can experience such joy and pride in one aspect of your life while the opposite in another. Take the day, for example, when three out of my four presentations went very well. And then the near-chaos – such as the same day when a woman tried sneaking into my personal space.
What is more magnificent about life is finding people who want to walk the course with you. They see your flaws but love you nevertheless. They may journey with you the length of the trip or for only a portion.
Feeling blessed even amid the chaos while knowing that one day, someday, clarity will come is an essential skill. Hopefully, one we will all gain it without having to be physically slapped back into reality.
From The Ashes Comes Clarity
A couple of days ago, in conversation with one of the Directors here at Daughters of Sheba Foundation, she mentioned this scripture.
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” Ecclesiastes (3: 1-8)
This was not the first time this passage has helped to focus an experience. Almost 11 years ago was another such time when there was a pressing need for clarity.
Seven Cycles of Chaos
Still going back further than that, one day in my reading and researching I came across an article that suggested that our lives evolve in 7-year cycles. Throughout each period, it claimed, we are developing in ways unique to that time in our growth. If this is true, I was then in the second year of the 6th level of my growth. This theory felt valid especially as I sat re-evaluating my life. Putting everything together, the clarity that there are no accidents in life came fully to me.
Often, something occurs in our experiences and we view it as isolated and miss the point. That almost happened when I received an email from the woman mentioned earlier. Her words distracted me from the essence of the experience and soon I was bogged down by the drama of her storming the doors of my life.
Just now, I grabbed my calculator and did the math. There it was again! The seven-year cycle was just upon me when the news of my husband’s murder arrived! Chaos and more chaos as the year 2020 progresses heralding the 8th level of my growth.
Lessons In Clarity
Writing brings clarity – at least it does for me. It is cathartic as it helps you focus on what could be gained in every experience.
When I write these articles (I know this might sound weird but here goes) they flow from me. I am not in control. Each peck made on the keyboard comes from deep inside me. That is how your inner compass, guide, God or Spirit works. If you let it, It chooses the words.
Seeking that clarity, whenever chaos emerges in my experience, I write. The unnamed woman that is mentioned in this post pushed me to write one day over a decade ago. She propelled me to write a series of articles about “Letting Go.” Although the articles were centred on her, in my heart there were other people and other situations. Needing to understand what was the lesson for me in these chaotic experiences, clarity emerged.
Two things that I realised:
- Recognizing parallels was one of the lessons. We have similar experiences, sometimes they occur simultaneously, side by side, pointing us to something we need to understand.
- Nothing is an accident – was another lesson.
Read The Signs Of Chaos
We often get so caught up in our routines. Clara Brown puts it perfectly when she writes on our Facebook page that we risk becoming zombies in our own lives. So focussed on other ‘stuff’, she implied, we fail to recognize and read the signals and signs that chaos presents. For my part, these two things stand out:
- The woman did not re-emerge and forcibly so simply because she wanted a piece of me. No. It was bigger than that.
- Tragic as it was, before my husband’s death there were signs that something was off. Hours after his death, people started telling me lies and within them, there were other confirming signs pointing to a lot being something off.
As I had to do then, so I am doing now – carefully reading the signs. Although after the fact, because the chaos threatens to swallow me whole, this is necessary. It is always necessary for us to stop and take stock. We have to read the signs that clarity is awaiting if we wake up and stop being zombies in our own lives.
Do Not Succumb To Passive-Aggressive People
After finally telling “the woman” that her communications and attempt to enter my life were unwelcomed, she wrote this to me:
“I tell you what. You can always carry the bag of anger with you for the rest of your life for it seems as if you have made up your mind to do so. I will not beg you any more to communicate with me. I have done my part.”
The laughter came from my toes as I read her words. “Yes you have done enough,” I said to the picture of her on Facebook. “I could not agree more.”
What she had finally done with this last bit of passive-aggression was to close the door. And that is what you have to do with passive-aggressive people. One day, we will post an article on the different personality types. The passive-aggressive ones are interesting, dangerous and can quietly bring a lot of chaos into your life.
Through my experience with this personality type, the things that they bring up include:
- Years of pain, feelings of abandonment and self-pity
- Embarrassment about the circumstances of your birth and your current situation that are less than ideal even to you.
The Blessings Of Chaos
However, we have to learn to see this personality type’s presence, brief as it may be, as a blessing!
This might sound weird, now processing my husband’s death and the passive-aggressive people who turned up – the blessings of the chaos are coming into clarity!
That is a liberating thought and clarity brings freedom. You will only achieve freedom and peace of mind when you grow through the chaos and embrace clarity. What this looks like, for me and for you is:
- Being finished with drama, shame and blame.
- Stop asking “Why me?” Instead, you learn to simply say why not?
- The end of the fight with the demons of your past.
- Embracing all your flaws and be “flawsome.”
The prayer that I offered about “the woman” and one that, frankly, that is being repeated now is this:
I love you. I always will love you – but I am finished.
Clarity taught me how to let go and I wake up to my life. It can do the same for you too. Watch this conversation with one of our clients, Alissa McLeod, who found the blessings in your horrific experiences, yes you read that right, of rape.
Peace and Love,