High maintenance woman. Have you ever been described as such?
I most certainly have been and guess what? I own that crap!
When She Walks…
You know her. She walks into a room and most, if not all, heads turn to stare.
The whispers hum as she goes by each table. Some are sweet as honey but many are as poisonous as a snake’s venom.
“Oh, she’s here.”
Who the heck does she think she is?”
“Diva, that’s what! A right snob!”
High Maintenance Woman: Loved Or Hated, But Never Ignored
The funny thing is, she is not necessarily the most beautiful flower God has planted on this Earth. There are women in that room who, if they stood next to her, would make her look like the twin sister of the ugly duckling. What differentiates her though, puts her a head above the rest, is her sense of self. And that is the very thing that gets her labelled “high maintenance,” “bitch,” and names too distasteful to write here.
Just about every woman hate her and an equal amount of men want her. Not all.
Have you ever been on a date, maybe a couple, and the person never calls you again? Have you ever had a relationship end and the person ending it told you that you are “too high maintenance?” What exactly did they mean?
Let No One Define You
According to the Urban Dictionary, the most popular understanding and usage of the term “high maintenance” are:
- “Requiring a lot of attention. When describing a person, high-maintenance usually means that the individual is emotionally needy or prone to over-dramatizing a situation to gain attention.”
- “A person who has expensive taste (re. clothing, restaurants, etc.). This person is never comfortable because he/she is constantly concerned about his/her appearance. This person feels they are better than most people and usually judge others based on outward appearances.”
Both descriptions may be correct in terms of the needy, self-centred behaviours and judgemental attitudes that both men and women display. However, does it really apply to a woman who knows what she wants and goes for it? She has high standards for herself and constantly strives to meet them. Does it apply to the woman who loves to wear certain types of clothing, eat at expensive restaurants and gets a weekly mani-pedicure, paying for all these “luxuries” herself?
Is being the so-called “high maintenance” woman a bad thing?
Your Box, Not Mine
Such a label has been slapped on me over the years. In my younger years, it came as a result of my obvious neediness, low self-esteem and my sometimes dramatic behaviour. Lovers and others found it a challenge to continue their close contact with me because of my attitude. It simply was too much work being friends or having me as a lover.
Went through months of therapy, spiritual counselling and self-reflection. Had to put in serious work of accepting, grieving and then finally healing my wounds. The woman who you meet today is not the one who was dumped due to her neediness. Yet, there are people who might still label me “high maintenance.” This, however, does not cause me to lose any sleep.
For years now, I have come to embrace the fact that when a woman finally comes into herself and lives from her highest understanding of who she is, some people cannot cope with that.
What you will find as you grow to love yourself and treat yourself as your most prized possession is that friends, spouse, family members, dates and even coworkers will be challenged by you. You do not have to be the classical beauty, dress in designer clothes every day or at all. You might not get spa treatment on a regular basis, order lobster on your dates or have diamond dripping off your body. Actually, you might very well be like me and have “buck teeth,” wear bargain dresses and haunt consignment stores. Your nails might be chipped more than they are painted and the only diamond you have is the one in the wedding ring.
You’re Still High Maintenance If…
Nonetheless, people will call you “high maintenance” when you have high standards and self-confidence and you are self-motivated. You are high maintenance to some because you are educated or have an opinion that you are not afraid to share even if your date holds an opposing one.
Once, I was told that I was high maintenance because of my twice a year purchase of really expensive makeup – from my own pocket. A date once said I was “too much,” because took my car to the dealership for cleaning, rather than doing it myself. My explanation that (1) that was not something that I was interested in learning to do and (2) the hours that I would spend doing that I could read a book to help advance my education, were found to be ludicrous by him.
Here is my suggestion. The next time someone calls you high maintenance if all or most of the following are more in keeping with who you are or how you are living your life, ignore them:
- “Truly powerful women don’t explain why they want respect. They simply don’t engage those who don’t give it to them.” Sherry Argov
- “A person with taste is merely one who can recognize the greatest beauty in the simplest things.” Barbara Taylor Bradford
- “I believe in strong women…in the woman who is able to stand up for herself. I believe in the woman who doesn’t need to hide behind her husband’s back. “…If you have problems, as a woman, you deal with them, you don’t play victim, you don’t make yourself look pitiful, you don’t point fingers. You stand and you deal. You face the world with a head held high and you carry the universe in your heart.” C. JoyBell C
- “A strong woman builds her own world. She is one who is wise enough to know that it will attract the man she will gladly share it with.” Ellen J. Barrier
- “Always present yourself as a woman who expects to succeed.” Barbara Taylor Bradford
Yes, there are “high maintenance” women, people actually, who fall within the realms of needy. For those persons, my preferred term would be wounded, needing support and guidance to become, what is often misunderstood, a woman of substance. Where would you prefer to be?