Chase. Only dogs chase moving things, particularly cars. You are not a dog.
“You have such long legs!” people would often remark to me when I was a child. The usual follow up would be, “Do you run, do track and field in school?”
“No I do not and I wish you all would stop asking me that!” is what the voice in my head responded. However a meek, “No,” emanated from my lips because I was too scared they would slap me if I were to let my inside voice out.
Long Legs But Will Not Chase
I am a fairly tall woman. Not Michelle Obama kind of tall but I do fair justice to height. My daughter, standing at 5′ 11″ does an even better job and, yes, she got the same question growing up.
Maybe it was guilt or pressure to use my assumed talent for running why I did take to a different kind of athleticism.
I chased people, education and even jobs.
Usain Bolt had nothing on me, particularly when it came to chasing relationships. Platonic or intimate, it mattered not. Starved as I was for the feeling of belonging, friendship and relationship marathons were my speciality.
Then, I also took “butt-licking” and door-mat skills to greater heights! I was the best.
Too Sassy To Keep Up The Chase
The challenge, however, was the sassiness that was an inherent part of my personality. I am a thinker, a very independent woman and a go-getter, taking whatever risk necessary. The latter supported my brand of athleticism and licking/mat skills but my mind in tandem with the still small voice often contradicted my behaviour.
Trouble would soon follow.
My friendships and relationships would eventually fall apart. My tongue became too engaged with sharing my views rather than licking and being still. As people departed from my life, my tenure on a much-chased job abruptly ended or I lost or had an item repossessed, it dawned on me that things were really, really not going the way I hoped.
Years would pass before several truisms would be revealed, taught and then walked by me. I came to them mainly through the spiritual organization that I was a member of but most were taught to me through my lived experiences.
I offer a couple to you today as we discuss friendships, especially those between women. They were developed by me to help break the ties, thread or chains binding us to a way of life that is no longer working.
- “You become what you are being.” That sounds strange, wrong, stupid even. However, truth be told many of us live unconsciously and unintentionally. As you continue being a doormat, a marathon runner or a**-kisser in certain relationships, you transform into that in every aspect of your life. We simply cannot box off sections of our lives, thinking one will not seep into the other.
- “Whatever you chase will run away.” Whether it is friendship, relationship or money, they and it will run away, eluding you. This has been one of the most challenging lessons for me. I got it on the friendship easily enough. Through rough experiences, my ability to wish people goodbye heightened. It took me great financial ‘losses’ to absorb the same lesson regarding money and jobs.
Where it concerned intimate relationships it took quite a bit longer. As a giving, expressive and openly loving person, I often think to be otherwise is game playing. Regular readers know that I am no “relationship expert,” and look to those who are. One such wrote this:
“The most powerful thing you can do is turn away from the person you are chasing and provoke in them the response you are looking for…for them to notice you.” Dr. Sherrie Campbell
When It Comes To Friendships, Etc
When it comes to certain friendships, jobs, money and ‘opportunities’, I now know how to save myself a lot of grief. My focus now at this ripe old age, is if it is not a “heartship,” as I call them, I am out.
In the meanwhile, check the races you are running today; see where you are being a chaser, a doormat or busy licking butts and decide if that is truly serving you.
Have fun no matter what because life is supposed to feel good! Yes, it is!