Think It. Breathe It. Speak It. Walk resilience for the rest of your life. That is what this article is all about.
And, by virtue of the fact you’re reading this tells me you have resiliency. A key question is how do we deepen, and widen our capacity to thrive?
Think: Let’s Start At The Beginning
A key component of being resilient is our ability to understand, manage and nurture our self-definition. What is self-definition you ask? Good question.
Self-definition is a compilation of how we have knowingly and unknowingly defined ourselves based on many variables. These include, among others, our:
- physical traits
- IQ and EQ
- how we were parented
- extended family
- educational levels attained
- community and country to name
Where should we start?
Let us start with you considering this concept about Self-definition.
If there was a picture of you in the dictionary; not just any dictionary but one that is confidential and only you can see. Your dictionary only! Now, let us take a trip inside this confidential dictionary to see what you will discover and uncover.
First, realize that there are key types of items and memories stored here.
The first is the truths about us. However, some of the things we think are the truth are not always 100% accurate.
Half-Truths – Half Falsehoods
These are beliefs about us that can confuse and misdirect us as we lack clarity because of them. An example of this is saying, “You’re just like your (Place name here) and will never do well in math.”
Perhaps you are not going to be an Engineer or a Physicist, yet could do very well as a business professional using business math.
Falsehoods and Lies – These can wear us down and hurt us, as like the half-truths they are not all accurate.
What To Do About These Categories?
Well, several years back I mentored a young gentleman who lived on my street for ten years. After several deep and meaty conversations, he shared the phrase “Fearless moral inventory.” Great phrase.
I would suggest a slightly gentler approach. Consider something along the lines of a “Deep and wide honest inventory of how have I defined myself to date?”
Then, consider what should be adjusted? Added? Thrown out?
It is a process so it will not just happen overnight. However, if we have the courage to understand that we took years to get this way then real change can often happen in hours, days and weeks. If we keep practising. The road to mastery is one built on excellence, not perfection.
So, how do these key types of files in our private and confidential internal dictionary show up?
Generally, people have them there as positive, negative and half-truths.
The Files That Affect How We Think About Ourselves
Words, such as:
- Stupid – Oh don’t be so stupid!
- Amazing – It is amazing how you do that so well.
Phrases, such as:
- You’re just like your …
- Underweight? Overweight? Smart? Stupid?
- Incredibly good looking?
- You’re so lucky
Pictures, such as the images burnt into our brain of a very upbeat or very negative time.
Mini movies and soundtracks,
- They play over and over and over again if we give them permission. Over time, they become burnt into our brain at a very upbeat or very negative time. They can influence our mood, our relationships our happiness and our success.
Replaced the negative ones with new ones. Write a new script! Act it out in the privacy of your bedroom or Living room.
Start To Walk & Talk Resiliency
We need to stay vigilant against a society that works on a negative asset basis.
We are consistently fed messages that if we just wore the right clothes, drove a certain car, lived in a certain area or attended a certain school, we would be smarter, more successful and more likeable.
All not true of course. Yet the cosmetics, fashion industry and many others do quite well with that pitch. Not that a new piece of clothing is not a good thing. Just not a replacement for the homework we all should be doing.
With over 80% of what we think and are told framed in the negative, it is no wonder we have “issues” around resiliency. Feeling comfortable in our own skin and managing our self-definition is a very powerful first step. Foundational work some of us would say.
So nothing like the present to start to walk the talk about resiliency.
What area of your self-definition will you work on today? The time is now to take this on. Start building and get rid of what blocks you as you do when house cleaning.
So, until next time, Imagine Yourself with a deeper Resiliency for Life.
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