Sexualized And Objectified: How Can You Stop Being The Target?

Sexualised. Do you know what that means?

There are times in life when you have to make choices based on what some call principles. Personally, I prefer to describe such decisions as life choices. Over the years, on a very personal level, I have had to make such decisions and the one that comes to mind today has to do with self-respect and the sexualised lifestyle.

Life Choices We Make

Sixteen years ago, on January 28, 2005, I wrote a post on my first ever blog about such a life choice. This had to do with whether to stay on a job to pay my bills or leave and help keep the integrity of all women. It was not a decision made from some noble place of my heart, nor was it made because I am a prude or some moralizing fanatic.

It was simply decided not to facilitate the sexualization and objectification of women. For me, this was one small step to keep my personal integrity and that of my daughter. As well, it was my way of doing my part to end this type of abuse against women. It is something that I continue to do, even in small measure, through the Daughters of Sheba Foundation.

Each of us, men and women alike, has that power. All it requires is a commitment to doing your small part in your small corner. If each of us out of concern for our daughters, wives, sisters, neighbours and lovers took persistent action, there would be a movement, a change in attitude. By taking one first step and continually renewing our commitment to full equality, women will eventually win their rightful and respectful place in societies across the world. The sexualised existence that too many women continue to endure would be abated.

sexualisedThe Sexualised Woman

This might not happen in your or my life but this cannot deter us from trying. The truth is we cannot afford to pretend that the sexual objectification of women is not expanding. Actually, it is exploding, carrying with it children especially those in difficult circumstances.

Media reports have increased in the numbers of women and children being trafficked across borders for the sex trade. The cold truth is, if there was not a demand, especially in North America, the trade would have dried up. Just like the porn industry for example – without the demand of so many males and females enjoying adult entertainment, it would have died out long ago.

Not Starting A Religious War

My original post 16 years ago, was not a call to start a religious or moralistic war against people who want to have their “fun.” Sex is a beautiful thing, an act to be encouraged and cherished between two consenting adult partners. My urging then and now is for you to be a part of the solution. Help women and children around the globe, who are continuously exploited for the “fun” of a few. I invited readers then and do the same with you today.

Those who are more religious or spiritual, do consider these quotes. They are from world religious and spiritual texts about love. See how you can affect personal and communal change to women being sexualised.

“Violating and misusing love is the greatest of all crimes. Abusing love is a greater crime than cutting the universal root of life (murder).” Sun Myung Moon, 3-20-77

“A wise man has nothing to do with lust. Lust is nothing but death, and lack of it is serenity. How can one who perceives this indulge in wanton behaviour?” Acarangastura 2.61 (Jainism)

. . . That each one of you knows how to control your own body in holiness and honour, not with lustful passion . . .” 1 Thessalonians 4: 4 – 5

sexualisedNo Issues With Sex

Make no mistake I love sex just as much as anyone else does. The issues I have has very little to do with the act itself, Sex to me is the most intimate form of expression of love.

Through sex and therefore through our bodies we share at the most intimate level who we are. Going back to 2005 and that part-time job that I left. A co-worker had asked me, while slowly turning the pages of a glossy magazine, why publishers feel a need to tell people how to achieve an orgasm. She found my response that many women have never had an orgasm hard to believe. Her comeback was, “And so what if they don’t?” While I do not believe that every sexual act must culminate in this fashion, I do think that it is important.

Why Women Deserve An Orgasm

I think it is a telling tale that many women never had the experience. My unqualified explanation is that sex has lost its real meaning. It has become another trick in the trade. The trade is the pretence that our intimate lives and relationships are meaningful and life-enhancing.

Many women still exist under the notion that their bodies are “means of production” – of children and sexual machines for men. There are others, sadly, who regard their bodies as a “means to an end.” In my youthful days, some girls were admonished to “keep yourself pure” for a husband. This was seen as the primary purpose of their existence. Others and I include myself in this latter group, were taught that men only wanted one thing from women. Knowing this, we must exact as much as we can from them in return.

Women Are Sexualised Because Men Rule

Whichever school of thought one evolved from, the bottom line was men ruled (and continue to do so to this day). This meant that the female body is primarily for the sexual pleasure and/or appeasement of men (gods). Little has changed in this sexualised power structure. This is true even with the academic and professional progress women have made. Dressed in a business suit or bikini, the female body is still an object to be ravished not savoured. This is clear in pornographic magazines and movies, on the Internet and even on the sides of buses.

Never before did I appreciate the connection between female orgasm, respect of the female body and the sexualised existence of many women until my former co-worker posed the question about glossy magazines. Then I understood that as long as the female body is viewed as a means to an end, to satisfy lust, women would never be respected as equal human beings. In the absence of deep respect, love and cherishing by a man who wants to share his whole self, the sexual act will be to the detriment of the woman and that act will be unfulfilling. This is what Sun Myung Moon rightly describes as “the greatest of all crimes” and murder.

thinkWhat Will You Do?

Pretension at holiness is not something that I do. However, the decision to leave a job, one that I would make again – 16 years later. If that job is even indirectly part of the sex trade, trafficking women and children across the globe for the sexual fantasy and violation of men, I am out! That is not honouring my journey.

The sexualised existence and objectification of women, girls in particular is a hot button issue with me. I could not sell my sisters across the world, my daughter or myself for any amount of money, fame or fortune. My thought then was, “another job will come along.”

What will you do?

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Be blessed, and be a blessing!


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One Response to Sexualized And Objectified: How Can You Stop Being The Target?

  1. Pingback: Sex Workers’ Rights: Governments Should Not Decide What constitutes Good Or Bad Sex - Daughters of Sheba Foundation

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