Drunk In Love? Time To Sober Up, Girl!

“Drunk In Love” – Beyonce

I’ve been drinkin’, I’ve been drinkin’
I get filthy when that liquor get into me
I’ve been thinkin’, I’ve been thinkin’
Why can’t I keep my fingers off it?
Baby, I want you, now, now
Why can’t I keep my fingers off you?
Baby, I want you, na na
Cigars on ice, cigars on ice
Feelin’ like an animal with these cameras all in my grill
Flashin’ lights, flashin’ lights
You got me faded, faded, faded
Baby, I want you, na na
Can’t keep your eyes off my fatty
Daddy, I want you, na na
Drunk in love, I want you

I hate love.

That sounds like a strong statement but hear me out, please.

I hate ‘love’.

Drunk In Love Or Needing A Transfusion?

One particularly rough Sunday many years ago, three days of emotional turmoil pinnacled.  It all had to do with – love. Have you ever had one of those where people say how much they love you but somehow not translated into life-enhancing gestures?

In the past, possibly up to my late 30’s, I was the needy type. Saying you love me was tantamount to agreeing to give me a blood transfusion.  However, or finally, after the last big heartbreak that left me with what feels to me “a piece of a heart,” I got the point.

To truly and unconditionally love someone means being willing to let them go.

I Hate Love

There has to be a spiritual bond, a mutual level of respect and regard, a high standard of honesty and an agreement that we are in a relationship for as long as we are both growing.

This is true of intimate relationships and friendships.

On that Sunday of emotional upheaval, I read that said, “Yes, I hate love!”

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? 
It makes you so vulnerable. 
It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. 
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you.
Then one stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…
You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. 
They did something dumb one day, like smile at you on a beach, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. 
Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. 
It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness.
So simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. 
It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. 
It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
I hate love!” Unknown

This love thing hurts really bad and hard and long and you cry all night, your head hurts, your eyes are swollen shut from crying and you are just a goddam mess!

I hate love too!

Then There is Love

It does not ask for a price or desires favours in return. Respect, trust, and full unrequited disclosure are its hallmark. Talking about the Love that is birthed deep in your soul the instant you know who and whose you are. Not the drunk kind of love.

Over the years, I have fallen in love deeply. That crash and burn type of love as described in the poem above. The breathtaking, risky, crazy-making kind of love. Really just as how Jodi Picoult states it: “True love is felonious… You take someone’s breath away…rob them of the ability to utter a single word… You steal a heart.”

My experience taught me that that is not Love.  This is an emotional tie, connection or in some cases wanting of a particular human being. That “love” runs dry one day and for many, it is usually too soon.

Personally, I traded up. The doors of the cell that would lock away my stolen possession have been taken down. In fact, the prison has been converted into a sanctuary.

See, I took up residency with Love, created a home where all are welcome, no one is special, and an all-inclusive package. No “drunk in love” business will be entertained – not anymore. There are plenty of other places for such carryings-on.

Love Is Royalty

In my temple, this sanctuary, Love is royalty.

Whether you are a Sistah, a friend or a would-be intimate sojourner. The Love that I believe in and share “doesn’t grow on you, feed on you, drain you and spoil your heart. It nourishes, waters the soul and intensifies in absences long and short.” C. Nzingha Smith

I believe in a Power greater than myself and as I pray every morning, my request is never for anything or anyone. My request is always for Love, the kind that Charles-Augustin Sainte-Beuve describes as:

“inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have…[Love that] if you go to draw at the true fountainhead, the more [Love] you draw, the more abundant is its flow.”

Are you in for this type of Love or are you still “drunk in love?” Share your love story with us here or on our Facebook page.

Stay sober for the rest of the day!


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