Should I Die Tonight…

“The fear of death follows from the fear of Life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” ~ Mark Twain

If my belief system was other than it is, the turn of events on June 26, 2014, would have me spooked.

It has always been the case that what gets written on this blog, particularly by me, is more often decided in the early morning hours when my eyes open. I check in with my inner self, figuratively feel my pulse and ask for guidance.

When this post was first written back in June 2014, early in the morning, around 4:30, the response was a bucket list.

Do you have one?

Live Before You Die

About 30 years ago, I wrote mine. There were about 70+ activities, things to get, places to see, etc, on my first writing. Over the years, up to about ten or so years ago, I would pull it out and cross out what was accomplished or note the progress on a particular activity.

My bucket list has not seen the light of day in years. Written in one of those multi-subject notebooks, my list has been in a box that has now been in storage for about ten years. I do not recall now more than half of what is left on my list. And I do not care!

Life is not about lists.

When I first thought of this topic today and did the first few posts on our Facebook page, I imagined that this piece would be focused on some of the things left to do on my list before I kick the bucket.

Then I went to work to write on those outstanding listed items. As always the case with me, Life happened, and my bucket list will remain closeted. Why?

Well, a member of my team passed away in his sleep that June night. He was about eight years older than me at the time of his death. Only the evening before, he and I exchanged pleasantries, chit-chatted and said goodbye as I left the office. That was to be our last conversation, but neither of us knew.

His wife called us the following morning to share the news of his passing. She noted that they had spent a lovely day together the evening before, for which she was most grateful.

Death Is Not Something To Fear

Death is not something I have feared for a long time. But I was stunned that afternoon when my boss asked me into her office, closed the door and gave me the news.

My team was given the news when they arrived to start their shift. I quickly slipped into my chaplain persona and hugged a couple as their tears copiously flowed on my shoulder. The team was given the evening off with full pay, in honour of our colleague’s memory.

Before leaving the office that evening, because my then-boss had texted me, “You are to go home as well Missy,” I texted a friend to hang out but then changed my mind.

Instead, I searched online for a movie then called my daughter and invited her out on a date.

That night was when I decided that no more meaningless ‘hangouts’, conversations or relationships (not that I have any) for me.

Should I die in my sleep tonight or any night for that matter, I want the last person with me to be like my late staff member’s wife and say, “Claudette and I had such a lovely time yesterday, then she returned to Source.”

That is my revised bucket list. What is on yours?


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