By The Grace Of God…

Posted on March 2, 2022 by ClaudetteE

Grace. How many times have you heard someone say, “By the Grace of God go I,” or you said it pondering your situation?

I used to say it quite frequently when I was working at a women’s prison here in Canada. It would come to my lips as well later when I transferred to a men’s facility.

By now it is obvious that storytelling is my thing. Love to hear others’ journeys and freely share my own if I feel it will help even one. So unlike some, I would sit on a pod for hours, this is where four to five inmates lived on the maximum-security unit and listened to their stories. Story after story, I would be nodding and whispering “by the Grace of God go I.”

By Grace

It could easily have been me incarcerated on one of those pods. You could have been the one hearing my story of how I stabbed the last man who put his hand in my panties at 12 years old. Twenty-five to life they would have given me had I followed a popular saying by Jamaican women.

When pushed to the limit, I have heard on numerous occasions my mother or other aggrieved women saying, “I will t’row hat oil inna him ears!” (Message me for translation – lol). How many times I have thought to do just that after being slapped, punched and beaten by a former husband. By the Grace of God, I restrained myself.

Flat broke, sleeping on a half-blown up mattress on the floor with one tin of sardines and a half-pound of flour in the cupboard for food, wondering whether I could make it through this time. Then, by the Grace of God, a few thousand dollars was transferred to my account from an agency that I thought would not pay me.

graceGrace – What Is It

What is this “Grace?” Believers are of the opinion that “Grace” is God’s favour to undeserving sinners and/or is a special blessing. Personally, my appreciation of grace has evolved from that elementary understanding.

Grace is available, freely flowing to all of us. Believers and nonbelievers of any or all religious or spiritual paths.

Grace is Love. Grace is the natural order of Life.

We fall out of Grace or out of sync with this natural flow of life through our thoughts and actions that say we are undeserving of our greatest good. Some of us have been spoon-fed these thoughts and notions. We kept repeating them to ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, to the point that they have blocked our alignment with Life.

Take my experience of being broke mentioned earlier. For all my childhood years, my mother fed me a diet of poverty, unworthiness, the envy of others and all thoughts associated with such notions. As I said many times to me our life was okay. However, hearing how bad things were and how much it was due to me often enough, it sunk in.

Aligning Yourself

No matter how successful I was, it was never enough. The race against poverty and the Joneses was a long and challenging one. It took rock bottom for me to finally start cleaning up and throwing out those tapes.

Aligning myself with Life/Source/God without any particular religious path has seen Grace being a constant presence in my life.

Grace is Authenticity – ‘If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.’ ~ Jesus according to the gospel of Thomas. It is when you authentically acknowledge your feelings and thoughts. Grace welcomes all feelings and, paradoxically, liberates you from the impulse to act on feelings that serve anything less that the highest good.” Art of Grace

In Grace, we all live move and have our beings. Once we awaken to this – this free-flowing ‘blessing’, the Order of Life – our life experiences are nothing short of what we tend to call “miracles.”

Blessings,

2017

 

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Are You Giving From A Place of Horror or Hope? Five Steps to Healing Your Way to Empowered Giving

Posted on March 1, 2022 by Guest Contribution

 

Giving From A Place of Horror or Hope? By: Coco Fossland

During times of need, many people rise to the occasion and give whatever is in their hearts. Yet, like everything, the way we give is a reflection of how we live every other aspect of our lives. Thus, even giving can become fodder for our own inner transformation. It all boils down to one simple question… are you giving from a place of fear and horror or from a place of hope and abundance?

How you give, and from where in your spirit the giving is birthed, is a reflection or a mirror of how you live your life.

Your Giving Response

When the devastating news arrived on newspapers across the world that New Orleans was under twenty feet of water in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, many people – perhaps you – immediately went online with a credit card in hand to donate money to help the water-soaked community. The question is, in the moments leading you to your computer, what were the deeper feelings and thoughts that drove your giving response?

Were you horrified that something so terrible could happen?

Did you feel helpless that such a tragedy could happen to you?

Were you stunned by how vulnerable the people living in Mississippi and New Orleans were and are?

Did you sense your own vulnerability?

Did you feel guilty that you are safe, happy, and well… while so many others right now, are in peril?

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, recognize that at least some of your impulses to give stem from a place of fear in you. In other words, you are giving from a place of fear or horror.

Giving From A Place Of Fear

Giving from a place of horror or fear is not inherently a bad thing. But it is something to observe and be aware of. Often times we express the love and care to others that we most need to give to ourselves.

Whenever you discover that you’re responding to your fear, take time to focus attention and heal on the part of you that is afraid.

Steps To Healing

First, identify the fear. Look at the person or organization to which you are offering support. What is the fear that this organization brings up for you? What situation, predicament, problem, or ailment do you fear happening to you? Whether it’s the fear of losing everything, the fear of getting cancer, the fear of living in squalor, the fear of being discriminated against, or the fear of dying — understand for yourself, which fear in you is present. On a piece of paper, write down your fear.
Second, identify the feeling. Let yourself feel your fear of having cancer, living in squalor, being oppressed, or facing death. What does that fear feel like? Identify the specific feeling. Is it rage, sadness, desperation, hopelessness, bitterness, anxiety, numbness? Write down the specific feeling that lives beneath the fear.
Third, trace back the feeling. Allow yourself to recall three other times in your life when you felt that same feeling before. Trust whatever memories from your past come to the surface first. Sometimes the incidents you recall will have little in common with the current fear, but trust that the feeling is somehow related. Write down each of the experiences and recall exactly how you felt. Notice how these three incidents from the past are somehow emotionally connected to the fear you’re experiencing now.
Fourth, understand the healing that is needed. Pick one of the three incidents from your past – preferably the one when you were the youngest. Look at that situation, and with an open heart, allow yourself to see, what you longed for at that moment in time. What did your spirit desperately want and need? Did it want safety, understanding, love, hope, attention, kindness, praise? What were you longing for? Write down whatever you notice.
Fifth, finally, give yourself healing today. Ask yourself how you could give yourself whatever you longed for in the past. If you longed for love, maybe today you could look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how wonderful you are. If you longed for hope, maybe today you could light a candle that represents hope in your living room. If you longed for attention, maybe today you could write yourself a letter of acknowledgement and praise. In other words, give to yourself today, whatever healing you longed for in the past.

givingHeal Your Giving

As you take the action of healing, let yourself feel your relationship with your fear transform and evolve.

When you heal your own spirit in conjunction with the giving you provide to others, you open yourself to a possibility of giving from a place of hope and empowerment rather than fear and horror.

The difference between empowered giving and fear-based giving is dramatic. Not just for you, but also for the recipient.

When you have healed yourself, you hold open the space of hope for others. Thus, you give, not only your support, but you also give the energy of empowerment, possibility, and strength. And isn’t that what we’d hope to give anyway?

Author Bio

The author of the forthcoming book, The Power of Trust: Trust Yourself, Transform Your World, Coco Fossland is a nationally recognized expert in personal transformation, self-empowerment and self-healing. Blending a decade of technology and strategy consulting with her expertise in self-trust transformation, Coco’s business is focused on supporting people passionate about creating businesses that make a difference in the world. She helps her clients fuse their higher path with their businesses, creating institutions and organizations that profoundly impact the world one person at a time. www.cocofossland.com

Article Source: http://www.ArticleGeek.com – Free Website Content

 

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Why Did Russia Invade Ukraine? FAQs About The Conflict That Has Shocked The World

Posted on February 28, 2022 by Guest Contribution

Why did Russia invade Ukraine? FAQs about the conflict that has shocked the world” by Jars Balan, University of Alberta

The invasion of Ukraine by Russia has put the world on edge. The military move by Russian President Vladimir Putin has left many people looking for information on how and why the conflict started. Here are answers to some key questions.

Why Did Russia Invade Ukraine?

Putin nurses a deep sense of grievance over the loss of Russia’s power and influence since the breakup of the Soviet Union in 1991. Ukraine was formerly part of the Soviet Union but declared its independence in 1991.

Having a prosperous, modern, independent and democratic European state bordering Russia was perceived as posing a threat to Russia’s autocratic regime. If Ukrainians succeeded in fully reforming their country along lines of other western democracies, it would set a bad precedent for former Soviet countries and serve as an example for Russians who want a more democratic country.

Putin also perceives that western democracies are in a weak and particularly vulnerable state — thanks in part due to Russian efforts to create discord and sow divisions in Europe and North America abroad — making this an opportune time to launch a major military adventure.

A map of Ukraine
A map from Feb. 24 shows the locations of known Russian military strikes inside Ukraine after Russia announced a military invasion of Ukraine.
The Associated Press

Is This A War?

Absolutely, both in the traditional and modern sense. It involves a military assault with air, sea and land forces being deployed in combination with sophisticated cyberattacks and relentless propaganda disseminated by conventional as well as social media.

The invasion of Ukraine is just an expansion and escalation of the earlier hybrid war.

It is a war that actually began after Ukraine’s Revolution of Dignity, also known as Euromaidan, in 2013-14. That’s when widespread protests by citizens who wanted a closer relationship with Europe led to the ouster of then-president Viktor Yanukovych, who had asked Russia for help to put down the protests.

Russia responded by illegally annexing Crimea, a section of Ukraine that touches the Russian border on the Black Sea. Russia also supplied military personnel, mercenaries and other resources in support of a small but militant minority of pro-Russian separatists in the largely Russian-speaking cities of Donetsk and Luhansk in Ukraine’s east. More than 14,000 Ukrainians have died since 2014 in fighting in the Donbas.

Is The Invasion Tied To Russia’s Annexation Of Crimea?

Crimea was the only part of Ukraine to have a slight majority of Russians at the time of the breakup of the Soviet Union. Nevertheless, 55 per cent of the peninsula’s population voted for Ukraine’s independence.

Putin mistakenly believed that by successfully annexing Crimea by stealth and orchestrating an armed uprising in the Donbas, he would shake Ukrainian unity and prompt the southern and eastern provinces of the country to break away from the Kyiv government and seek to join the Russian Federation as a new territory to be known as Novorossiya, or “New Russia.”

That failed to happen, so the current invasion is an attempt to achieve a similar end using force on a massive scale.

Is This A Renewal Of The Cold War?

The term “Cold War” refers to a period after the Second World War when the Soviet Union and Western democracies were aligned against each other in what was essentially an ideological battle between capitalism and communism.

At the height of the Cold War, the United States and the Soviet Union — the two great military powers in the world — engaged in a titanic ideological struggle by means of subversion, propaganda campaigns and proxy wars in the developing world.

Putin and his inner circle are very much products of the Cold War and consider the breakup of the Soviet Union and its Communist Party dictatorship a humiliation. In that sense, the current conflict is a renewal or even a continuation of the Cold War because its goal is to restore Russia as America’s greatest military rival.

Putin is seeking to turn back the clock to a time when the Soviet Union and the West had defined and relatively stable “spheres of influence” in Europe. During that time, there was a military balance achieved through parity in nuclear arsenals. This was also known as the “mutually assured destruction” policy, which suggested that neither the United States nor the Soviet Union would go to war because the ensuing nuclear battle would be devastating for both countries and the rest of the world.

russiaHow ‘Russian’ Is Ukraine?

According to the last full census taken in 2001, 17.3 per cent of the citizens of independent Ukraine identified themselves as ethnic Russians. This was a decline of almost five percentage points from 1989, reflecting in part an out-migration of Russians after the breakup of the Soviet Union.

There was also a change of identification among Ukrainians who had claimed to be ethnically Russian in the late Soviet period when it was socially and economically advantageous to do so, but reverted to their Ukrainian identity when Ukraine became independent.

Since 2001, the numerical influence of ethnic Russians in Ukraine diminished even further, as a result of the annexation of Crimea and the creation of the two separatists “republics” in the Donbas region of eastern Ukraine. Significantly, even in the Donbas, where ethnic Russians form a substantial minority, they do not outnumber ethnic Ukrainians.

Somewhat confusing the situation is the fact that most Ukrainians are able to speak or easily understand both Russian and Ukrainian. For many Ukrainians, especially in the south and eastern regions of the country, Russian is the first language.

Russian is widely used throughout large parts of Ukraine and it is not unusual for people to easily and even unconsciously move back and forth between languages. Nor is it unusual that many Russian speakers are fervent Ukrainian patriots, just as significant numbers of ethnic Russians are fiercely loyal citizens of Ukraine.

Russians and Russian speakers are not persecuted or discriminated against in Ukraine, even as the Ukrainian state — and increasingly Ukrainian citizens themselves — work to encourage fluency and the use of Ukrainian in daily life after centuries of linguistic and cultural Russification.

Finally, a large number of Ukrainians have ties to Russians and Russia, through mixed marriages, work, professional relations and longstanding friendships.

Sadly, many of these relations have been strained in recent years due to the Putin government’s hostility towards Ukraine and the Russian media’s relentless and baseless attacks on Ukrainians. The situation has resulted in contacts being terminated for political reasons as a result of changing attitudes towards Russia as a whole.

The vast majority of Ukrainians until recently had a positive image of Russia, but a growing number now have a critical or skeptical attitude to Russia. The current conflict is certain to make things worse.

Why Does Putin Say Ukraine Isn’t A Real Country?russia

In a televised speech days before the invasion, Putin suggested that “modern Ukraine was entirely created by Russia.”

Putin has inherited much of his world view from the Russian-chauvinist and Russocentric traditions of the former imperial and Soviet Russian regimes. His Ukrainophobic attitudes can be attributed in part to his being steeped in deeply rooted feelings of both Russian superiority and resentment towards Ukrainians who have consistently asserted their distinct identity.

Russia has for four centuries tried to fully subjugate Ukrainian lands and to subdue the Ukrainian nation by means of laws and policies designed to undermine and suppress the Ukrainian language and culture, while at the same time privileging Russians in Ukraine.

Russia has often resorted to using brutal force to prevent Ukraine from pursuing greater autonomy as well as outright independence, using invasions, ruthlessly crushing rebellions, exiling hundreds of thousands to Siberia and the Far North, starving millions in a genocidal famine, and simultaneously imprisoning and executing legions of gifted artists, intellectuals, spiritual leaders and political activists, who dared to challenge Russian dominance over the country.

As various attempts by Ukrainians to establish an independent state were thwarted by Russia and by other foreign oppressors, Putin has repeatedly sought to disparage Ukraine’s successful declaration of independence in 1991 and is determined to put an end to it.
The Conversation

Credits

Jars Balan, Director, Canadian Institute for Ukrainian Studies, University of Alberta

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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Don’t Be A Bystander: Five Steps To Fight Cyberbullying

Posted on February 23, 2022 by Guest Contribution

Cyberbullying: Don’t be a bystander: Five steps to fight it by Nadia Naffi, Concordia University

Never in the history of humanity has bullying been so inventive and thus destructive. Cyberbullies exploit this digital age to spread hate. They intentionally and repeatedly use the internet to cause harm, fear or distress to people. Their behaviour includes harassing individuals they consider weak and defenceless, denigrating them and harming their reputation, typical of hate speech spreaders. Although cyberbullying has become destructive and feels unstoppable, there are techniques for dealing with it.

Feeling helpless and alone facing the cyberbullying beasts, Megan Meier, Amanda Todd, Todd Loik and many other youths have taken their own life to flee the inhumane emotional pain they experienced.

They are not alone. Cyberbullying victims are twice more likely to attempt suicide, especially when passive bystanders witness their suffering and do nothing. Some live stream their own suicide in a desperate attempt to get attention.

The majority of bullying — 85 per cent — happens in front of other people and yet, a recent Ipsos survey conducted in August 2017 on behalf of the Canadian Red Cross revealed that only one-third of Canadians who witnessed cyberbullying stood up to it.

This is alarming.

Indigenous peoples, LGBTQ+ groups, Blacks and refugees are amongst the groups that are at a greater risk of cyberbullying than others.

Not long ago, U.S. President Trump’s cyberbullying behaviour gave the green light to his followers to further victimise Muslims and refugees online. This led to a 600 per cent increase in online hate speech in Canada.

Attempts To Stop Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is not limited to one context. When it happens, it derails human potential and we all bear the consequences. For this reason, many actively try to find solutions to stop it.

Yet, it still flows.

Some propose to address cyberbullying in workplace policies, code of conduct and training resources. Others focus on encouraging parents to help children develop empathy or share with educators strategies to protect their students from cyberbullying and help LGBTQ students to feel safe.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police Centre for Youth Crime Prevention shares its definition of bullying and cyberbullying and explains what individuals should do in case they are bullied or witness bullying. The Canadian Red Cross provides tips to help youth protect themselves and stand up to cyberbullies.

Anti-bullying campaigns such as #SpreadKindness, #ERASEBullying and #enoughisenough promote healthy relationships between youth and encourage victims to speak out and share their success stories of overcoming bullying and cyberbullying.

On Feb. 28, many Canadians will wear a pink T-shirt and share one slogan: “Bullying stops here! Together we can make a difference.” The main goal of the Pink Shirt Day anti-bullying campaign is to start conversations.

Kestrel McNeill, Demi Lovato and Ed Sheeran are examples of bullying survivors, who lived to tell their stories. However, despite our support, very few at-risk individuals can stand up to cyberbullies, let alone tell their stories. They remain one click away from being victimised and cyberbullied.

As bystanders, we have a moral and ethical obligation to protect them from cyberbullying targeting them.

Get Ready To Act

Cyberbullies thrive in contexts of real or imagined power imbalance. To end cyberbullying, we need to ensure a power balance. This will happen when bystanders are actively involved.

More Canadians must take action when they witness cyberbullying. The results of my recent doctoral research confirm that this is possible.

Passive bystanders can become agents of change, but not in a snap of a finger. They need to examine and address what holds them back and become equipped and empowered to actively counter social media propaganda and cyberbullying.

Get Ready to Act Against Social Media Propaganda Model.

The Get Ready to Act Against Social Media Propaganda model I propose based on the results of my study facilitates this process.

I met 42 youth between 18 and 24 years old from Canada, the U.K., France, Belgium, Germany, Portugal, Italy, Poland, Greece and Lebanon to discuss the mass cyberbullying targeting Syrian refugees and Muslims.

The violence shared on social media disturbed these young adults. Yet, almost all opted to act as passive bystanders because they did not believe their actions could make a difference. Once we started our in-depth discussions, they recognized their inaction was contributing to the triumph of hate speech.

Then, they designed strategies to counterbalance social media propaganda. They addressed factors that influenced their move to action, and they evaluated their readiness to act.

Negative posts shared online were evaluated and discussed. Nadia Naffi 

The Five-Stage Model

Here are the five stages of the Get Ready to Act Against Social Media Propaganda model. Each stage builds on the previous:

Stage 1 – Question: What is my position?

In the question stage, we explain our stance on a controversial issue targeted through social media propaganda and cyberbullying. We ask ourselves: What is our position and why? By recognising our beliefs and by trying to understand their origins we set the stage for examining our behaviours.

Stage 2 – Analyze: How do I explain my reactions?

In the analysis stage, we identify the passive bystander behaviours we currently exhibit when we encounter or are targeted by cyberbullying. We discuss how we interpret these behaviours and explain the reasons behind them. We also examine our networks’ behaviours and how we react to them. At this stage, we should ask ourselves which online social media posts draw our attention and why. We should examine, question and explain our own reactions and how we interpret those of our social network to cyberbullying behaviour.

Stage 3 – Design: What do I want to do?

Once our stance is identified and our current behaviours examined, we engage in the design stage. In this stage, we create our own online digital counter-propaganda counter-cyberbullying strategies. These strategies are based on our social media skills and the cyberbullying behaviours we recognised in the analysis stage. At this point, we should set our goals for designing an anti-bullying campaign. Who is our audience? What skills do I need to help and what actions can and should I take? Why?

Stage 4 – Prepare: What holds me back from action?

After these strategies are detailed, we consider the catalysts and the inhibitors of our move to action. Designing strategies does not imply their implementation. Thus, in the preparation stage, we recall the factors that motivate us to engage in the counter-cyberbullying actions and address the factors that could hinder our agency. We must ask ourselves: Do I care enough to act? And we should find out what holds us back from acting and figure out how to eliminate barriers to action.

Stage 5 – Evaluate: Am I ready to act?

The evaluation stage is mandatory before actually moving to action. In this stage, we evaluate our readiness to act. At this point, we have already determined our positioning in regards to the sensitive and controversial issue, we have recognised the reasons why we acted as passive bystanders, we have designed a clear plan for action and we have addressed the factors that could hold us back. Questions that remain are: Are we confident enough to act or is a return to a previous stage needed? How confident am I to actively engage in the anti-bullying counter-propaganda actions I planned?

Agents Of Change

This model, which I created based on the results of my research, works on the idea that learning about oneself and understanding one’s own behaviours in cyberbullying contexts is key to transforming passive bystanders into agents of change. It helps youth delve into the issues and face what holds them back.

The model is a potential solution to disrupt hate discourses and cyberbullying. Its strength lies in its adaptability to contexts where “othering” occurs and is heavily influenced and reinforced by social media.

In these contexts, refugees, indigenous people, LGBTQ+ groups, Blacks and other groups are victimised through social media and many people opt for a passive bystander stance while their agency could make a difference.

On this Pink Shirt Day, I urge civic educators, social workers, curriculum developers, policymakers, parents and all Canadians concerned with the takeover of social media by hate speech proponents and cyberbullies to use the Get Ready to Act Against Social Media Propaganda model to help passive bystander youth become ready to act as agents of change.

Credits

This is an updated version of an article originally published on Feb. 20, 2018.

Nadia Naffi, Assistant Professor in the Education Department (Educational Technology) & Public Scholar, Concordia University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

The Conversation

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How To Choose Mindfulness Of Others

Posted on February 22, 2022 by ClaudetteE

Mindfulness.

“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life

To be mindful can be such a tricky instruction. I remember when growing up and my mother would say things such as “mind your manners.” That meant taking care that I am being polite.

“Be mindful of people,” is another one of those instructions. Not sure who impressed that on me but the sentiment was to put others first. It was not until the early 2000’s that I came upon the teachings of a Vietnamese Buddhist monk. Thich Nhat Hahn was his name and an entirely different understanding of mindfulness opened up for me.

Mindfulness Along The Path

On the “spiritual path” for a few years, the concepts of awareness of the “now” and acceptance of “what is,” were ones that I was challenged to embrace. If I am not mistaken, it was my Catholic spiritual director, Sister Maggie, who introduced me to the work of Thich Nhat Hahn. She knew my inability to focus on what I wanted and my propensity to catastrophize coming out of a hard for my break-up.

We would sit for hours in a room at the retreat centre and listen to meditations by Hahn or she would personally guide me. 

mindfulnessThe most profound of Hahn’s, who died in January 2022, meditation for me was one in which he took the aspirant through mindfully eating an orange. It has never before taken me one hour to have an orange. Five minutes, if that, was all I needed.

Therein was the lesson, one that I have, ever since that day, tried to apply especially to my relationships. Devouring and savouring are too vastly different things. To devour is similar to having an interest in something or someone. It satisfies an immediate want or can do so when convenient or necessary to you.

Savouring Is Being Mindful

To savour is to be committed to the person or the situation and the potential that either or both hold. As such, you not just spend the time but you gladly and mindfully do so exploring, tasting, basking, I could go on. This is no hit and run. Neither is it a matter of watching the clock.

Whether it is eating an orange, walking along a path, speaking with a friend on the telephone. Whether listening to a stranger on the bus, the experience is one of deeply and consciously focussing on the fruit, pathway or person. It, him or her is all that “is” at that moment for however long or short it lasts. It, him or her is the wonder, the miracle of life.

“Around us, life bursts with miracles–a glass of water, a ray of sunshine, a leaf, a caterpillar, a flower, laughter, raindrops. If you live in awareness, it is easy to see miracles everywhere. Each human being is a multiplicity of miracles. Eyes that see thousands of colors, shapes, and forms; ears that hear a bee flying or a thunderclap. A brain that ponders a speck of dust as easily as the entire cosmos. A heart that beats in rhythm with the heartbeat of all beings. When we are tired and feel discouraged by life’s daily struggles, we may not notice these miracles, but they are always there.” Thich Nhat Hahn

What miracles are you seeing, tasting, savouring?

Please share your miracles with us in the comments. Visit our Facebook page or on Instagram.

Blessings,

2017

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Connecting With Bliss

Posted on February 16, 2022 by Guest Contribution

By: David Ferruolo

Bliss. Every day, I witness people leading chaotic lifestyles, responding like robots to the negative circumstances of their lives, creating more dissonance and conflict. They seek solace in the next best thing, person or position they can find, but always end up frustrated and wondering why they are not truly happy. It is a conundrum of sorts. Sadly, it is self-perpetuating. Stress, negativity and unpleasant reactions to everyday situations only beget more of the same experiences on a deeper level. This, of course, creates undue stress on your body, mind and spirit.

Letting the stress of unplanned or unwanted events influence the way you react to and view the world will always lead to turmoil. Living with a mindset of negativity and fear will blind you to the miraculous flow of bliss, which is within and around you always.

Missing In Action: Bliss

I spent the better part of twenty years frustrated and unhappy with my life. Although I accomplished much more than I could ever have imagined possible, I still lived in a state of dissatisfaction. One would think being a Navy SEAL (the elite special warfare unit) would have been the pinnacle of my life, but I looked upon my military profession with disdain. Then I was living my childhood dream, playing guitar in a rock band, but irritability and aggravation permeated the mood of that environment. Years later, while running my scuba diving company, a day job that many people envied, I felt only petulance and exasperation. I dated many great women from all walks of life, but all my relationships ended in disaster. I moved from state to state, career to career and woman to woman, with no psychological or emotional liberation. I felt lost and I was suffering. I was wasting this precious life and something had to change. And one day, it did.

Temporary Relief

I often hiked to help temporarily alleviate the stress in my life. Being in the mountains took me to another place where I could if only for a short time, escape the turmoil of my life. Waking up one morning angrier and more stressed than usual, I decided to forego work and hike a mountain near my home. As I stomped my way to the top, each footstep reverberated with anger. Hiking always helped relieve my anxiety, but I was finding little release this day. I knew I could not go on living like this. I had to figure something out, and fast. For almost a decade, I was unhappy and frustrated with wherever I was and with whatever I was doing. I knew my own choices had brought me to where I was, but that only made me feel worse. I had made the choices, so I must have deserved to feel that way. Despite my best efforts, I was not where I thought I would be. My business was extremely time-consuming and stressful, money always seemed short, my relationships were disastrous and I felt utterly alone in the world.

When I reached the summit, I found a quiet place to sit and think. I looked out and took in the beauty of the mountains and lakes. The warm summer breeze felt good on my face, and the many sounds of nature slightly quieted my mind and eased my tension. Exhausted, I laid back on a huge boulder to relax. I felt helpless and I prayed for an answer to come my way. My head was pounding so I closed my eyes and quickly fell asleep. I woke about forty minutes later, feeling kind of strange.

Momentary Ecstasy?

blissAs I refocused my vision out over the breathtaking landscape, everything seemed surreal. It was so quiet, peaceful and unaffected by the chaotic state of the world. It was as if my worries and frustration were still sleeping. For a moment I thought perhaps I was just dreaming, but I was not. I wondered why life could not be this peaceful all the time. I took a deep breath and felt myself expanding into the vastness of the mountains. For the moment, I was on top of the world. Anything seemed feasible, and my mind was open to all the amazing possibilities of what I could do and be. I was elated in a pure state of momentary ecstasy. If only it could last.

Quietly relishing the moment, I had what some might call an epiphany. I realized that all my problems were still waiting for me at the bottom of this mountain. Nothing had changed, yet something seemed very different. Why was I so happy here and now on the top of this mountain, but not happy at the bottom?

I sat thinking about this for a while, and then something occurred to me. I had heard it many times before, but never really grasped the concept. Bliss is a state of mind-a a choice, a simple choice. While sleeping on the mountain, I had unconsciously connected with the flowing bliss of life. What if I actively chose to stay in this state as I hiked down the trail? Would it work, could it work? I decided to try. I figured if I could mentally bring myself back to this spot whenever I began to feel stressed or overwhelmed, I could reconnect with that feeling of bliss.

Bliss Box

Before I left the serene summit for the turbid waters of normal life, I captured the essence of the moment in my head. I took a mental snapshot of the scenery, the smells, the sounds, and how I felt at that moment in time-empty of stress, full of peace. What I did next was the key to my success; in my mind, I created a Bliss Box-a a special gold box for that moment to exist. In it, I put the embodiment of everything that helped to create the perfect peace I felt. I tied up the box with a gold ribbon and placed it on a storage shelf in my mind. I knew I could count on opening it later, and in the days that followed I was thoroughly amazed to find how well my Bliss Box worked.

Sometimes you can’t control the situations you find yourself in, but you can control your emotions and your actions. By creating your own Bliss Box, you can find peace and harmony any time you choose.

It is said that to be human is to suffer, and yes this world can be a painful, harsh place. But it is the way you look at things that dictates the circumstances surrounding your life and the way you perceive the world. Contentment comes from within, and no amount of searching or material gain will lead you to blissful living. You and only you hold the key to happiness-use it often.

Author Bio

David Ferruolo is the author of ‘Connecting with the Bliss of Life; Powerful Lessons for Living a Peaceful and Happy Life.’ He is a former Navy SEAL, who has chosen a spiritual path. A lifetime of interest in philosophies and metaphysics gives David a vast knowledge bank of information for his writing and life coaching practice. David’s life has been nothing less than inspirational. Visit his website at www.daveferruolo.com

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Happy Birthday Indeed

Posted on February 15, 2022 by ClaudetteE

Happy Birthday.  Happy Birthday to Me!

For the first six or seven years of my life, my mother religiously threw a birthday party for me. Then they stopped for some reason. I think money became a real challenge by my seventh year.

Noticeable as it was even to my small mind that the parties had come to an end, it was not devastating. Somewhere in my memory, there are images of confusion and strife between my mother and stepfather around these parties. The young me clearly understood that the celebration was not embraced by all or wrapped in total love.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Sixteen

The next time there was a birthday party, hosted by my mother, would be my “Sweet Sixteen.” My memory of this the last party that she would throw for me is again not completely pleasant. I do, however, recall having a serious crush on someone – a boy named Errol and he did not turn up for the big event. The funny thing is, someone else had a crush on me and did turn up, unfortunately, as this was an experience a girl of that age ought not to have had.

Before you the reader get the wrong impression, let me quickly say that while my journey was full of pits and falls, I truly feel blessed for everyone. Now at this point, on this day February 15, 2022, celebrating my 57th birthday, I can with conviction say, “My life is rich and I am grateful.” 

Birthday Parties Past And Future

My last birthday party was my 50th and that was held in Jamaica. Prior to that, I had a birthday party in 2006 here in Edmonton, Alberta. It was a fun-filled pyjama party that had my then partner cheating right in front of me!

My next big bash, my 60th, if I am granted the time, will be February 15, 2025. It will be a bash and a bang whether I am celebrating it alone or in the company of friends. The vision of the occasion is already imprinted on my imagination, awaiting execution. My Beloved will be there as always.

My Beloved is Spirit and Spirit takes the form of who or what I need for the highest and widest expansion at the moment. That is the lesson of all these birthday parties – embrace them and the memory of them for the essence of what they were.

Happy Birthday in 2022

happy birthdayToday, I am celebrating this birthday with friends near and far. I thank each and everyone for the early phone calls and greetings. Honoured I am by the messages and conversations.

Bittersweet it is because the one who had my attention for a while has made his untimely transition.

Many moons ago, Oprah’s closing piece in her magazine includes these words: “This I Know For Sure.” I borrow them today and say,

“I know for sure that Love is real, has always been and forever will be as long as we are.”

Love has been with me, amidst the parties and when the music was barely discernible. So, I am full of gratitude for another year and more chances to expand into what I am, which is Love.

Namaste.

2017

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Valentine’s Day: The Pressures Of Shopping For Romance

Posted on February 12, 2022 by Guest Contribution

Valentine’s Day: the pressures of shopping for romance by Cathrine Jansson-Boyd, Anglia Ruskin University

For many couples, Valentine’s Day is crunch time. Research has shown that romantic relationships are more likely to end on or around February 14 compared to almost any other time of the year. This may be why almost £1 billion is expected to be spent in the UK over the next few days on the traditional fare of cards, chocolates and jewellery.

Many of those items will be bought as genuine gestures of affection, or for the more economically minded, as proof that they are invested in the relationship. But the fact that the date has become so commercialised can also be a real turnoff. For while some consider it a cherished day of romantic bliss, to others, February 14 inspires feelings of loathing and revulsion.

Valentine’s Day Gift

And if you do choose to partake in the annual celebration, deciding on the right Valentine’s Day gift can be confusing. What does a box of chocolates signify? How many roses does it take to genuinely reflect the appropriate level of devotion?

Rather than feeling that they want to buy something lovely for the person they love, people may feel obliged simply to spend, such as the weight of tradition and expectation.

For many, particularly men, according to research, a subsequent coping mechanism is a shopping style that has been labelled “grab and go”. This is when a person enters a store, picks something up, and is ready to pay in as little as 30 seconds.

Meanwhile, it has been claimed that women are more likely to have escalating expectations, especially in their 20s, about what they should receive as Valentine’s gifts.

Some who had been in a relatively long-term relationship expected the level of lavishness to increase from year to year. And it is not uncommon for heterosexual women to consider it to be the man’s role to plan and create the perfect day.

A Dozen Roses

For many, that perfection can only be achieved if it comes with the smell of a dozen red roses. Flowers are a big money spinner on Valentine’s Day and in 2019, £261 million was spent on bouquets in the UK. But research indicates that the chances of receiving a bunch of blooms depend on how the other person views the state of the relationship.

You are apparently more likely to buy flowers if you perceive that your personal needs, such as feeling loved, are being fulfilled. If you are strongly passionate about someone, you’ll probably give flowers in combination with a range of other gifts. Those who said they were “satisfied” with their romantic relationship were the least inclined to buy flowers for their partners.

Can’t Buy Me Love

valentine's dayTo ease the pressure, then, it is always worth considering a more personal and low-key approach – something that the object of your affection will genuinely appreciate and enjoy. Extravagance isn’t always appreciated, for example, as giving branded goods is often received as a commercial gift rather than a message of love.

If you opt to play it safe with a gift card, go for a broad approach. Research shows that tokens for a specific shop or product are less appreciated and often end up unused.

But of course, expressions of love and affection need not be about spending money at all. One survey of 3,000 couples found that those who spent the most on engagement rings and weddings were the quickest to break up.

An alternative approach would be to embrace research that suggests that true happiness comes from spending time with the people you love and sharing experiences together. So perhaps the best option for Valentine’s Day is to forget about spending money on expensive gifts and make it about how you spend time as a couple instead. Try to do something that creates a fond memory – in a way that a wilting bunch of flowers never will.

Credits

Cathrine Jansson-Boyd, Reader in Consumer Psychology, Anglia Ruskin University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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How To Remove Obstacles And Find A New Beginning

Posted on February 9, 2022 by Dorothy Watson

Obstacles. If you’re trying to improve your personal life without success, consider looking at what might be standing in your way. Maybe you spend too much time with the wrong people, or you’re constantly running away from your problems. Here are some things you should stop doing right now to live your best life.

Stop Hanging With the Wrong People

If you spend time with someone who sucks the happiness out of you, it may be time to throw them to the curb. To determine if you’re spending time with the right people, make a list of everyone in your life. Do they make you smile or stress you out?  If they have a negative impact on your life, do you need to be around them?

The people you surround yourself with are either adding to your life or taking from it. You can determine which is which by again writing a list and telling yourself which ones you’d call upon in times of trouble. Remember, your good friends show their love in times of crisis, not just in times of happiness.

Stop Running Away From Your Problems

obstaclesNobody has an in-built mechanism to solve problems instantly. It may seem somewhat odd advice, but embracing feelings such as discomfort and suffering, could be the first step to facing your problems.

A common reason for people fleeing from their problems is that they feel there is nobody around to offer help. You can look to your family or friends for support or community resources such as therapy or support groups. 

Alternative things you can do to ensure you meet your problems head-on include planning how you will tackle your issues. It may also be a case that you have to audit your circle of friends to ensure you’re only surrounded by those who are likely to offer support. You can also improve focus and promote positivity by improving your living space. Organize your items, remove clutter, and let in more natural light to create a healthier home environment. 

Stop Being Jealous of Others

Simply put, jealousy is a waste of time, and it will make you unhappy. Social media is a breeding ground for envy, which often makes it difficult to avoid, but you can by following a few valuable rules.

Firstly, instead of reacting to someone’s success with envy and disdain, be happy for them. It won’t be easy, but the more you practice it, the easier it becomes to remain in a positive state of mind. Equally important, and often overlooked, is to be grateful for the good already in your life. Depriving yourself of gratitude means you’re spending too much time reflecting on what you don’t have rather than what you do.

Stop Working a Job You Hate

If your job is getting you down, and preventing you from living your best life, consider a career change such as starting your own home business. Armed with a list of marketable skills and a laptop, you could find work as a virtual assistant, web designer, or writer with little or no investment. 

obstacles

Live Your Best Life

Sometimes, putting a line under certain aspects of your life is the only way you can move on. Start today by eradicating all that’s holding you back and start living your best life.

Dorothy

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Valentine’s Day: Gen Z Avoids Committed Relationships, Prefers Casual Hookups

Posted on February 8, 2022 by Guest Contribution

Relationships: “Valentine’s Day: Gen Z avoids committed relationships, prefers casual hookups,” by  Treena Orchard, Western University

As we lick our Valentine card envelopes and slip into something more comfortable, it’s a good time to ponder our sexual relationships.

As the first entirely digital generation and the largest demographic in western history, Generation Z, those born in the late 1990s and early 2000s, is the subject of extensive research. Often considered to be entitled, dependent and lacking real-life skills, these youth also display considerable resilience and creativity. This adaptive flair extends to their navigation of sexuality and relationships, which are in flux stemming from factors like digital dating practices, lower marriage rates and rising income inequality.

Kinds Of Relationships

What about their sex lives? Sometimes described by popular news media as the hyper-sexual “hookup generation,” other news outlets explain that this generation is less sexed than previous youth cohorts because they have fewer partners.

Which is it and what does dating even mean? What drives young peoples’ decision-making about the kinds of relationships they engage in?

I recently posed these questions to undergraduate students at Western University — participants in my qualitative study about sexual culture. I conducted individual interviews with 16 women and seven men from diverse socio-cultural backgrounds and sexual orientations, including gay, lesbian, bisexual, bi-curious and straight. I’ve included some of their responses here. I have not used any of their real names.

What I learned from their diverse relationship structures and terminologies was fascinating and confusing, even to a seasoned sex researcher like me. Boyfriends and girlfriends are passé. Seeing people, hookups and friends with benefits are where it’s at.

Based on my preliminary findings, the current Generation Z dating culture in Ontario is defined by sexual flexibility and complex struggles for intimacy, which is difficult to achieve in the fluid relationships they prefer.

Dating Lingo

Some participants called the beginnings of their relationships “wheeling.” This term was typically used in high school. “Seeing someone” is more commonly employed in the university context to describe the onset of a casual relationship with one or more partners.

Some of my participants are from Toronto. In that city, Jay explained, “dating” implies a formal relationship. Instead, they say something like, “it’s a thing.” In the city, some who have been influenced by Jamaican culture call it a “ting.”

“It’s kind of called a thing if you’ve heard that, a ting, it’s a Toronto thing, ‘oh it’s my ting.’”

relationships

Ellie (not her real name) confirms this:

“Dating is a more substantial term that indicates longevity. I think people are scared of saying ‘we’re dating’ [so] for a while they’re like ‘a thing.’”

Many students also engage in casual relationships to protect themselves from being hurt. Pearl (not her real name) said:

“I think [the lack of commitment is] a fear of commitment and a fear of it not working out and having to say, ‘we broke up.’”

Trust issues and the risk of the unknown also come into play.

Lovers In A Hyper-sexualized Time

Many participants discussed being evaluated by peers based on their carnal accomplishments. Being sexual is a key social and cultural resource, as Ji shared:

“It shows power and you’re cool, basically.”

Similarly, Alec said:

“It’s a very sexual environment, people wanna like, everyone is looking to fuck and sex, I’ve been pushed by female floor mates to go dance with that girl and I don’t want to. And she’s like
‘You need to fuck someone tonight’ and I’m like ‘Do I?’ that kind of thing, the pressure.”

Chris identified the factors behind the emphasis on sex, namely the fear of intimacy and the social expectation that ‘everybody’s doing it:’

“I think people are also afraid to say that they want that intimacy because it’s such a culture right now it’s so like ‘just have sex.’ No one really says, ‘I want to cuddle with you’ or ‘I want to spend time with you’ …Everything is…just about sex, everyone is supposed to be hypersexual and that’s the expectation.”

For many students, their university years are a transformative time intellectually, socially and sexually, which was reflected in my study findings.

While it may be tempting to discredit young people’s sex lives as fleeting, my participants demonstrated a remarkable capacity for change, sexual desire and emotional complexity.

Can they train hearts for new relationship patterns? Is it good for them?
The Conversation

Credits

Treena Orchard, Associate Professor, School of Health Studies, Western University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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