Divorce holds deadly connotations for many but that I am not one of them.
“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” The Bible, Mark 10:9
For some, it is a more dreaded word than “Death.” Actually, I remember going to the pool with my young daughter and would hear parents scold their children for using another “D” word – drown.
Getting a divorce most certainly can feel that way.
“Asunder,” is a word that I have not only heard but experienced and what it taught me is that love is not enough.
Divorce remains a profitable business for lawyers and counsellors in many countries, particularly those in North America and throughout the European Union. The Canadian Encyclopedia, for example, indicates that while marriage remains an important social institution in this country, the rate continues to decline. More and more people are either choosing not to marry and remain single or live ‘common law’. The 2011 census revealed that the marriage rate dropped three per cent over a 10 year period, with only 67% of Canadian families headed by (heterosexual) married couples.
“50% per cent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.” This information was courtesy of a website called Divorce Rate.
Divorce Because Marriage Is Hard?
My first kick at the bucket was the most painful. When my first husband and I divorced, the events leading up to it were devastating – on both sides I guess but then moment it felt as if I was the “victim.”
Question is, are we self-prophesying or is it just ‘hard’ to stay married or at least in a committed relationship?
Years ago, a woman revealed to me that she and her husband were calling it quits after 23 years of marriage. She said that she was at peace with the decision, now that it has been made and it is all systems go in terms of dividing their joint property.
Her words took me back to my own experiences of dividing communal property. It is something I never want to go through again in this life.
Please, do not get me wrong. Marriage is a wonderful “institution” for those who like that kind of living.
I remember when we migrated to Canada in 2002 and specifically to Alberta which was one of the last holdouts on “same-sex marriage,” few within our immediate circle could understand why I was not hopping on that particular bandwagon. Obviously, it was not due to my abhorrence for gay marriage or any thought on my part that the institution of marriage is for man and woman. Absolutely not.
Married several times and one extended long-term relationship under my belt, I recognize the beauty of sharing one’s life with another person. Not enough though to think that marriage was the only or the best way to prove it.
The Plus Side Of Divorce
What I do know is that:
- Marriage is not something to enter for any reason other than deep respect and desire to share not just your beauty, possession, charm, etc but your darkness and your wounds.
- One ought not to remain in a spirit-killing relationship for “the children’s sake,” as you are not teaching them about living a joyous, peaceful and purposeful life.
There are those who use divorce as an excuse, a get out of jail card. They do not want to really try to make the relationship work. In other cases, it is an option that was on the table from day one, an exit strategy. Some see it as an escape – from a life they had not visualized or a nightmare.
“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.” ― Jennifer Weiner
Would I marry again at this stage of my life? Probably not. More than likely not.
Are you married? How is it going? Is divorce on the cards or do you keep shuffling it out of sight? You can talk with us privately if you wish by messaging me here; otherwise, leave a comment and/or visit our Facebook page to see our posts on various topics of interest.