Purposeful Journey: Keep Going Sister, Do Not Stop, There Are Miracles And Meaning Up Ahead

Posted on April 5, 2021 by Clara Brown

“To be relevant, you need to be purposeful” ― Sunday Adelaja

God sometimes takes us the long way so that he can teach us lessons along the way. Believe His way is the WAY!

Let us mimic the children of Israel, who learned about God’s way as they journeyed through the wilderness. In our lives, there are and will be many obstacles, but there are and will also be many miracles.

Purposeful Chapters

purposefulEach chapter of our lives is a tapestry designed for us to know and show God a little more. It is meant to enable us to grow stronger in our faith, witnessing His unending love, demonstrating the value of His Grace, and also building our character.

The people we meet and those we lose along the way are all a part of God’s orchestrated plan. One day, you will see that every step you took was purposed. So enjoy your journey, as challenging as it might seem, because this is your story. It will end well since God is Author and Finisher.

We currently live in a world in which the goal of most people is to be comfortable. In fact, a large number of us not only strive to live a life of comfort, but we also do our best to avoid discomfort. We are constantly trying to maintain our level of comfort or increase it. However, what I have learned is that one of the greatest skills a person can learn is the ability to be comfortable with discomfort.” Skilled At Life

Keep Moving

Press forward in faith, canceling out fear. We serve a “through sickness and health, for better or worst” type of God. He got you no matter what you are up against.

There is a David inside of you to fight the Goliaths along the way. There are ravens already ahead preparing to feed you, like Elijah. Be content as you go through the seemingly long battles. They are there for a reason. Something good will come from them. Just trust God. Your journey is meaningful and precious to God. There is no mistake in your discomfort and growth spurts are not comfortable.

Believe and Live!

Please follow us on social media to get our Daily Dose of Inspiration and other updates that are not shared here. We are on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

God bless you.

Clara 💕

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Nurturing A Positive Mindset For Yourself: The Ins And Outs

Posted on March 31, 2021 by Michael H. Ballard

It is a daily exercise this nurturing a positive mindset. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build your resilience. In that famous quote by Stephen Covey, he asked:

“What have you done to sharpen the Saw?”

Sharpening Your Mind

nurturingHe meant how have you developed your problem-solving skills? Have you read a book? Taken a course? Watched a video? Improved your fitness? What problem-solving books have you read?

I am a big fan of four books. All of them have added to my problem solving and creative skillset.

Four Great Books

Six Thinking Hats and the follow up Six Action Shoes are written by Edward de Bono. In Six Thinking Hats de Bono shares six ways to consider each and every problem that we face. In Six Action Shoes, he shares six ways to consider implementing each of the potential solutions we are faced with.

My next two favourite books on problem solving and creativity are A Whack on the Side of the Head and a Kick in the Seat of the Pants are two books on creativity by Roger von Oech. In each, he offers a process to help us widen and deepen our creativity to maximize our potential solutions.

In A Kick in the Seat of the Pants, he wants you to tap into and use: Your Explorer, Artist, Judge, and Warrior to be more creative.

In his book A Whack in the Side of the Head, Roger takes you through ten mental locks that block our creativity. He tells us they are:

  1. The Right Answer
  2. That’s Not Logical
  3. Follow the Rules
  4. Be Practical
  5. Play is Frivolous
  6. That’s Not My Area
  7. Don’t Be Foolish
  8. Avoid Ambiguity
  9. To Err Is Wrong
  10. I’m Not Creative

Tools For Nurturing

Michael H BallardSo, each of these books have been enjoyed by me several times over. Each has also helped my clients many times over to help them get out of their own way and sharpen their saws.

You can too! Get these books if you can. You can also get in touch with me directly, if you like, at Resiliency for LIfe.

Leave a comment, subscribe to Daughters of Sheba’s blog and follow the Foundation on its social media profiles – Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.

Until next time Imagine Yourself with more resiliency tips,

Michael

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Michael Ballard specializes in helping people, schools, teams organizations and communities learn how to become more resilient.
Hiring and Contacting Michael
To book Michael for your next event or to contact him you can do that at:
Inquiry@MichaelHBallard.com
www.MichaelHBallard.com

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Wisdom In Life Challenges: Overcoming Fear And Affirming Your Way Out

Posted on March 30, 2021 by ClaudetteE

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” ― Oprah Winfrey

Life is full of it, is it not? Challenges that is – and that other thing as well. What to do? Keep moving. Life challenges will come and they will go. As Ms Winfrey says, turn the wounds that you bear from those life challenges into wisdom.

One At A Time

“But how?” you ask.

growthYears ago, a woman told me that while she was incarcerated (8+ years) she learned that she had to do better than take things one day at a time. To survive and even thrive during her sentence, she had to learn to take life as it came in every minute. If you are anything like I am, then you are impatient and learning to do that, take things minutely, can be a true challenge.

Since the beginning of this week, our focus has been on growth. A large part of growing is experiencing the challenges of life and learning how to greet them. Yes, you read that correctly – greet the challenges of the daily grind.

Daily Wisdom

I’ve never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind. Being broke is only a temporary situation.” Mike Todd

Have you ever heard yourself saying or even thinking, “I am too poor to…?”

I have and along the way learned how to stop thinking or saying it. It was not an easy thing to do, especially when you grew up in circumstances that screamed “poor” at you day in day out.

My daughter was actually the one who led me to change this. That is a story that has been told elsewhere before. Maybe one day exactly how that bit of wisdom came to me will be shared here.

wisdomNot having the money to buy the things that you need and/or want can be one of the many life challenges. How do you handle that? Having been down that road, even during this pandemic, I understand that you have to be clear in your heart that this is a temporary situation.

This is an affirmation that has been useful to me and that I hope will help even one upon reading this. Whether you are poor or simply broke:

“I release the fear about money. It no longer controls me. I remember the feeling of prosperity when money came to me when I least expected it. I let that feeling of freedom control me and everything shifts.”

Half Full Or Half Empty?

How do you see the glasses of your life? Is it half empty or half full?

Your view will most definitely affect the infilling or emptying of your containers. The late Wayne Dyer once said, “Our intentions create our reality” and he was correct. At least that is my experience. What has yours been?

half-fullTo clear your vision about the life challenges you might be facing, try telling yourself this as often as you need to:

“The glass is what it is and serves to remind me that there is room for growth or to always be grateful. I embrace both.”

The Everlasting Wisdom: Watch Your Thoughts

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Thought is the blossom; language the bud; action the fruit behind it.”

We have touched on this in previous posts and sharing on our Facebook and Instagram profiles. However, it is so important that it bears repeating – “Your thoughts create your life.” Life challenges will always come but you have to trust that they too will pass. And so, keep expecting the best outcome in every situation.

Hello, Fear

“Fear is a choice and a story you tell yourself. I am rewriting my script.”

That is what holds us from moving forward, getting unstuck in the challenges that confront us.  Fear come in many and varying forms for each of us. For some, it is the fear of not having enough money. Some fear that they will never get married, find a life partner. Some fear leaving a loveless relationship and making it on their own. Then there are others who fear being themselves as that might be “too much” for others, including loved ones.

Whatever form your fears appear, try using the affirmation above as often as you need to. As well, watch this motivational video for further inspiration.

Please, subscribe to this blog, as well as follow our social media profiles and be part of this community of women as we claim the life we want no matter our ages.

Be Blessed & Be A Blessing

2017

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Darling, There Is No Comfort In Growth So Take A Tylenol And Fly!

Posted on March 29, 2021 by Clara Brown

Growth is a painful thing. Growth is uncomfortable. Anyone who tells you otherwise is simply lying to you.

It is that simple. And, it is the truth!

No Comfort In Growth

There is no place that we could ever be that God is not aware of. Every season is for a reason, and every reason somehow ties back to the fact that His plans for our lives are intentional.

Recently, a friend of mine remarked, “There is no comfort in growth.” I found her words so profound!

Immediately, recollections of the many occasions that the tears copiously rolled down my cheeks as I pursued one goal or another.  So many uncomfortable decisions had to be made. There were moments of literal hunger and, yes, anger as well.

Purposeful Discomfort

growthOccasions of discomfort have a purpose. For many of us, it is through those moments of discomfort that we experience the most eye-opening revelations for our paths.

Those are the very moments that we are able to discern or map a way forward. At times it is at that place we are willed to turn the page or make a fresh start.

We are often called upon to read the Valedictorary speech to close out a phase of our life. In those moments, we are standing on the cusp of a new era.

When you are in those low, hollow and dark places, listen intently. Will yourself to BE STILL. God is trying to show you or tell you something. Your hurt is not wasted. It is filled with purpose.

Take A Tylenol And Let It Pass

When you are done with that place, you will definitely know why you were there and had to stay there for however long. That job that you lost or hated, the people that rejected you and made you feel unwanted, the marriage or relationship that did not work despite you giving it your all, your DRY seasons ALL have a purpose.

growthYou were placed there for an ordained reason. Do not waste your time in the valley. It is there that your purpose is stirred up and a new vision developed.

In the valley, in times of discomfort, that is where and when you learn to trust God. In discomfort is growth. Right in that place is where your faith is tested and right there that you will see your miracles manifested.

You were picked for that place, so do not fight it, embrace it.
Be still and know!
Be still and listen!
Be still and “let go and let God.”

Do follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter to received regular updates and daily doses of inspiration.

Clara 💕💕💕

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Women Empowerment: It Is Like Doing The Cha-Cha-Cha

Posted on March 25, 2021 by ClaudetteE

“Women Empowerment” is a term, a catchphrase for far too many, that we often hear. More and more it is becoming clear to this writer that it slides too easily off the lips of some without a proper full understanding of the context.

What Is Women Empowerment – Really?

“Empowerment is the process of increasing the capacity of individuals or groups to make choices and to transform those choices into desired actions and outcomes.” 

women empowermentThat is a quote from the World Bank that was shared in an article by the HuffPost. Said article was originally published for Women’s Month 2016 and went on to say:

Surprisingly, there is no common definition of women’s empowerment. In fact, the word “empowerment” does not exist in most languages. Although the phrase “women’s empowerment” is used pervasively in the Gender Equality & Women’s Empowerment space (and beyond), it is generally in the context of issues — economic empowerment, political participation, and girls’ education.

The Movements Of Women

Regular readers know that this Foundation and its blog focus attention on women’s issues and well-being. We discuss matters that affect the lives of women, particularly in Jamaica and then Canada. By extension, we highlight the living conditions of the people who love these women, primarily their children. Their relationships and issues related to that, whatever the marital status, are often discussed.

One or two of us might be or might have been in the past active participants in the feminist movement. Others might not use the “active” to describe their involvement; sympathetic might be a better word. Then there is me – who no longer marches the streets, burn a bra or two or make phone calls to radio shows to have my voice heard. Instead, my activism is through my writing and the private support offered to women.

Women Supporting Women

daughters of sheba foundationSince becoming a public nonprofit organisation, Daughters of Sheba Foundation cycles through taglines on its social media that reflects what is in our hearts. In fact, you can visit our social media profiles and see the new ones each month, mainly on Facebook.

One of my personal approaches to supporting women is the Daily Dose of Inspiration that I “produce” and share to our social media. You can also watch those on Facebook or Instagram. While one or two of us might present a more traditional religious approach, I personally have a more practical approach to spirituality, one that supports women integrating their “Be-ing” in our world.

The feminist movement remains alive and well enough, however, it has lost its radical appeal to many Millennial women. Today’s young women have more nuanced issues that they are living through.  What we are seeing in the last several years is that the “struggle” in developed countries has once again returned to “old-time” issues.

The right to vote, birth control and abortion, while not as intensely fought 40+ years ago, are back on the chopping blocks.

The Cha-Cha-Cha

Today, what we are experiencing is more of a cha-cha-cha when it comes to women’s empowerment.

via GIPHY

One step – women vying for political leadership, including the highest offices on the land. While not achieving that, there is now a female, woman of colour Vice-President of a nation such as the United States.

In another step, women continue to be targets of rape and violence in combat zones and in their homes. Forward-thinking male leaders are making legislative changes to support the empowerment of women in smooth glides. But in some places, including in the United States, men are making remarks and trying to enact legislation that pushes the gains just a bit backwards – towards the kitchen.

The reality is, women are still fighting for equal rights in today’s society despite some strides made over the past fifty years. Upon integrating themselves into every facet of American culture, women’s rights have become a hot-button topic in the worlds of entertainment, politics and regular civilian life. Every decade, it seems, is a reintroduction of the same issues that have become impossible to overcome because of male patriarchy.” Mamizi

millenial womanLet us, therefore, avoid the risk of glibly talking about women’s empowerment. As earlier stated, it is a process and one that is very much continuing – to this day. The need for FULL equality and respect for women’s place in the world is very much on, not because we have had birth control and can choose whether to wear a bra.

The Movement continues and only united, as women, will the journey move forward and not pushed backwards as so many are trying to do, even as you read this.

Peace and Love,

2017

 

 

 

 

 

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Glass Ceiling That Covers Women: Is It Shattered Or Cracked?

Posted on March 24, 2021 by ClaudetteE

Glass ceiling – what is it and is it still a reality?

According to the Oxford Dictionary, the “glass ceiling” is “an unofficially acknowledged barrier to advancement in a profession, especially affecting women and members of minorities.”

Glass Ceiling: Shattered Or Merely Cracked?

glass ceilingWhen she was younger, my daughter and I would often discuss money management, investment and the need to be mindful of our spending habits.

Women are for the most part the money managers of the household, despite what their male spouses might think. Women decide how much is the supermarket money and what will be spent on entertainment – after all the other high priority items have been paid.

High finance is not my thing. However, there are women who are more comfortable with high finance than they are with planning a dinner menu.

Why then are they not being encouraged, just like the “boys,” in the investment funding sector?

Studies have shown that while “more women in the United States are making their own investment decisions than ever before,” they are not necessarily the leaders of the money market around the world.

Women Locked Out

gaslightingThe author of the article on Morning Star, Laura Lutton, continued with this disappointing statement:

“Yet the ranks of professional money managers who are women remain exceedingly small. We examined the gender of U.S. open-end fund managers in our database and found that only 9% are women. Women exclusively run only 2% of assets under management in the $12.6 trillion U.S. open-end mutual fund universe.”

In six years, this has not changed much. Here is an excerpt from an article that updates this situation.

In the U.S., about 11% of fund managers are female, a percentage that has remained constant over the past 10 years. While the number of fund managers has increased over that same time period, the proportion of female to male managers has remained constant. This is lower than the 14% of global fund managers who are female, largely unchanged from 20 years ago.” Amrutha Alladi

Built By Sexism

sexismWhy is this so? Sexism. The big boys have locked themselves in – even the windows they are still trying to bar.

Many agree that the sky is now the limit for women. They say that the ceiling has been blown away and it is now up to women to make their way to the top. However, it is a winding road:

“A better metaphor for what confronts women in their careers is the term “labyrinth” because it “conveys the idea of a complex journey toward a goal worth striving for. Passage through a labyrinth is not simple or direct but requires persistence, awareness of one’s progress, and a careful analysis of the puzzles that lie ahead.”

That is how the ‘situation’ was described in a Forbes Magazine article, written by Lisa Quast.

Womanist, independent thinker and one who has no interest in funds management, I find much to agree with that labyrinth analogy. It is applicable as well to those of us who are playing on other fields – even this one of nonprofit, blogging or even chicken farming.

It’s Not Easy For Women, Still

“Suck it up precious, learn the road, get the lesson and use it to your benefit tomorrow.”

That was basically my prescription to my daughter as we discussed her supermarket and childcare budget.

speak upAn ingrained culture of any sort is hard to change but not impossible. If more of us stay the course without losing our voices and killing that of our sisters’ (a topic for another post) it might just in my granddaughters’ lifetime. So, if you are in the money business or any field where the labyrinth seems extremely winding and long, swallow the pill, follow the path, memorize the shortcuts and Speak Up!

You can start now by leaving a comment here and sharing it with your friends across social media. As well, you can follow and like us on our profiles on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Peace and Love,

2017

 

 

 

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Do Women-Focused Capital Funds Actually Help Women?

Posted on March 23, 2021 by Guest Contribution

Do Women-focused Capital Funds Actually Help Women, Or Are They Just ‘Pinkwashing?’ by Barbara Jayne Orser

An increase in the number of women-focused capital funds promises to help address gender gaps in the provision of financial capital.

Capital funding is the money that lenders and equity holders provide to a business.

A recent study I conducted with Susan Coleman of the University of Hartford in the United States and doctoral candidate Yanhong Li of the University of Ottawa looked at how women entrepreneurs are described within a women-focused capital fund. We examined 27 women-focused capital funds in North America.

women-focusedInternational studies show that borrower discouragement and informal rejections from potential investors dissuade many women from seeking loans when they start-up businesses.

Historically, equity investors have primarily been high-net-worth men. And so a preference to invest in business owners who look and think “just like me” reinforces gender stereotypes. As birds of a feather flock together, women and their businesses can be viewed as too feminine, and therefore less attractive investments. Feminine innovations that benefit women and girls can also be viewed as less attractive.

Our study asked if women-focused capital funds are aimed at truly enhancing gender equity or simply at creating wealth for investors. We were surprised to learn that few funds challenge the institutional constraints that hold back women entrepreneurs. Some actually reinforce gender stereotypes due to how they regard women’s supposed entrepreneurial deficiencies.

Women-Focused Or ‘Pinkwashing’

For our purposes, we defined “pinkwashing” as capital funds targeted at women solely for marketing purposes. Pinkwashing is most likely the result of creating women-focused funds as an add-on to mainstream financial services, rather than as a central element of the organization’s mission to support women.

Several more of our findings should be interesting to would-be investors. Few funds have third-party audits. Online disclosures of fund performance are generally absent. It is often difficult to discern the governance and ownership structures of the funds. Lack of reporting standards may reflect the infancy of this capital market.

pinkwashingStereotypical challenges faced by women also tend to be amplified to legitimize funds, such as the inability to access financial capital and their need for emotional and social support. Women are described as risk-averse, less successful and lacking professional contacts and role models.

In contrast, some funds focus on community building, investment knowledge and circumventing gender biases, offering a positive perspective versus a need to fix women.

Paradoxically, our study’s findings provide both optimism and skepticism about the extent to which equality is at the heart of these funds.

We conclude that only a minority of funds seek to counter structural barriers associated with women’s access to capital, such as a preference to invest in male-dominated firms and sectors. Most funds are positioned to facilitate individual wealth creation. And few funds prioritize racialized Indigenous people and other underrepresented women versus privileged white women.

Silver Lining

At the same time, women-focused capital funds are creating new spaces that enable women investors and small business owners to make choices based on their values, financial knowledge and investment capabilities.

International Women’s Day will soon be upon us, and hundreds of investors and women-identified small business owners will gather in Toronto on March 9 for the SheEO Global Summit Founder Vicki Saunders has a goal — to mobilize the capital, the buying power and the networks of a million volunteers to fund 10,000 women-led ventures.

In the United States, Alicia Robb, founding CEO of Next Wave Impact, is working to reduce the gender imbalance in angel investing and educate women-investors. Founding CEO Kathryn Finney of Digitalundivided focuses exclusively on advancing financial capital to Latin-American and Black founders in the U.S. The Indigenous Women Entrepreneurship Fund advances funds for Indigenous businesses in Canada.

Some funds, such as Next Wave Impact, are disrupting the status quo of institutional investment by constructing grassroots engagement, and networks of gender-focused investors and women entrepreneurs.

These change-makers are exemplars of entrepreneurial feminism in the growing market of women-focused capital funds. The investments target women-identified, women-owned and women-led enterprises, and femme and non-binary entrepreneurs.

women-focusedAsk ‘Who Benefits?’

Investors should keep this in mind before assuming that all women-focused capital funds serve an inclusive economic agenda.

While pinkwashing may be acceptable to some, more transparency is needed to make informed investment decisions. To identify pinkwashing, investors and entrepreneurs are encouraged to examine the governance structure of the funds and ask: “Who appears to benefit from the fund and how?”

Another suggestion is to determine if the fund helps expand the entrepreneurial ecosystem in ways that are likely to benefit women and non-binary femme entrepreneurs, or if the fund serves to perpetuate stereotypes and constraints implicit in the existing ecosystems.

Our study suggests that an increasing number of investment funds described as “women-focused” fall short of this standard in practice.

In light of these findings, due diligence on the part of both investors and entrepreneurs is essential.

The ConversationCredits

Barbara Jayne Orser, Full Professor, Deloitte Professor in the Management of Growth Enterprises, L’Université d’Ottawa/University of Ottawa

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

You might also like our article on Straight Talk About Ageing.

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Leaving The Hustle And Bustle, Dead-Ends And Start Self-Investing

Posted on March 22, 2021 by Clara Brown

Leaving the hustle and bustle of our lives can sometimes be such a hard task. We are so caught up with our overloaded agendas.

So busy taking care of everything and everyone that we sometimes do not get alone time.  Mark 6:32, reminds us that we must find time to spend with just ourselves.

Leaving Behind And Self-Investing

“The best gift you can give to yourself is to invest in yourself.” ― Pooja Agnihotri

leavingThe Scriptures also today us that “they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.” We do not necessarily have to do as Jesus and his disciples did.

However, their action is a relevant reminder to us about investing time in and by ourselves.

There comes a time when we all must make it a priority to put away everything.  If nothing else, this COVID-19 pandemic helped many of us to learn this much-needed lesson.

Leaving and disconnecting from the things and the expectations of the world can be such a challenge. Finding the time to just ‘do me’ is considered by far too many as selfish-indulgence, especially women.

Jesus told his disciples to “take themselves away and go in a desert place and rest awhile.” Are we not disciples, modern-day ones, in our own ways?

When Was Your Last Time?

When was the last time you did that?

Believe me, the job or company will not fall into bankruptcy. The children will not die or your friends will not make a royal mess of their life if you disconnect for a bit.

I encourage you to roster time for you into your agenda. Go away and rest, no company is required. Go where you can hear your own thoughts, where your communication with God is undisturbed. Where you can feed your soul and just unwind in perfect peace.

Leaving behind the dead-ends and dying moments will pay off in big dividends. Go, renew and rejuvenate yourself.  Your stress levels will subside.

You will slowly become a better version of yourself. Start investing in yourself. That is how you preserve your sanity.

“Invest time and energy in your well being. Create an atmosphere of emotional safety for yourself.” ― Amy Leigh Mercree

Visit us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter for Daily Dose of Inspiration to get your reminder to take care of yourself in all different ways.

Clara 💕

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Straight Talk About Ageing And How Two Health Issues Affect Your Sex Life

Posted on March 18, 2021 by ClaudetteE

Straight. Real. That is what Daughters of Sheba has always been about. Now that we are an official nonprofit organization, we will still keep it real.

Wrote about this many years ago but it bears repeating. Until reading a particular article, it never crossed my mind how health challenges, specific to women, may have serious effects on our sex lives.

Straight Talk About Sex

When I formed the Daughters of Sheba Facebook Group back in 2010, it was clearly stated that the conversations were not only secret but for “big women.” In my country of origin, Jamaica, that would actually be “big ooman.”  The “big” was really redundant as “ooman” on its own means that you are a certain age and experience level.

straightThis blog, while open to members of the public 18+ is similar. The conversations here touch on everything that affects our lives. As well, they cover our relating as human beings one to another. Although my last formal, postgraduate, educational pursuit was in theology and spirituality, my views and way of being in the world are very practical.

As a woman of African-descent, my spiritual life is very much intertwined with my daily living. No separation. May this then serve as a warning to new or even repeat visitors. The conversations here are open, practical, without the hype. They reflect everything our realities.

Sickness And Sex

The article that “woke” me up was “How Thyroid Disease Affects Marriage.”

Eight to nine years into my longest relationship, I started losing weight without explanation. The rapid weight loss, accompanied by extreme fatigue soon led to almost complete immobility. My then-partner literally scraped me up and took me to the doctor. After a battery of tests, a week or so later he told me that I had Graves disease. My eyes have never bulged but most of the other symptoms were present.

Months later, after more tests and radiation treatment, my health started to return to its former level – not too bad.

As I read this particular article, it dawned on me that none of the medical professionals told me the impact that the condition was having on my emotional state. Looking back, along with other issues, my relationship deteriorated and would come to an abrupt though not surprising end.

talkStraight Talk – We Are Responsible

Dana Trentini wrote in her article,

“I share all this with you because I never considered all the different ways marriage is affected by our bodies, the environment, and other factors that we just aren’t considering. Our natural tendency is to blame the other person or complain about why we think things are going awry, and yet it could be something as simple as a medication side effect, an ingredient in a personal care product, or a disease like thyroid disease that are contributing to the tension we feel in the marriage relationship.”

That is exactly what happened to me back then. I am suggesting that we would be “happily together ever after.” The point is – it would have been good to know and learn earlier how to treat the full slate of complications that an illness such as thyroid disease can trigger.

A former supervisor and I were once having a conversation about individuals taking responsibility for their health. We talked about becoming our self-advocates.

“You have to sit your doctor down and tell them exactly what is at stake if what they are prescribing or how they are treating your condition is putting your entire way of living and your job in jeopardy,” was what she said as we discussed the issues at hand.

Funny how these things connect.

Diabetes And Your Sex Life

diabetesBy the end of this post, you might conclude that this woman “is not getting any!” Would not blame you as the next health challenge that can potentially have a debilitating effect on your sex. I have it for decades now. And, it does, straight up, impact your sex life.

Diabetes.

“When most people hear the words ‘diabetes and sexual dysfunction’, they automatically think it’s the man’s problem. But women with diabetes can also have sexual problems related to their blood sugar levels.”

That is the opening line from an article on WebMD.

My struggles with controlling my blood sugar level started long before becoming aware of having Graves Disease. Both my parents died from the complications of diabetes and for years I was in denial about my own challenges with the disease. One of my former physicians gave me the heads up about diabetes and my sex life but I brushed it off.

It’s not diabetes per se that harms your intimate life. It’s the complications of uncontrolled blood sugar levels that cause problems for both men and women — the only difference is that many women simply aren’t as aware of this complication as men are,” Colette Bouchez quoted Ann Albright, PhD, RD, of the American Diabetes Association.

Challenges Compounded By Ageing

straight talkAlong with the natural “side effects of ageing,” if you have diabetes or know a woman has, here are some tips from that article might use when next you visit with your doctor:

  • Bring your problem out into the open.
  • Keep your doctor in the loop.
  • If you have, in particular, chronic yeast infections that you are treating with over-the-counter preparations, share that information with your doctor. ”This is important because chronic yeast infections can be a sign that your blood sugar is not being well controlled.”

There are other health issues that affect your sex life but let us stop here for today – these two are enough to get us all thinking, acting and speaking up. Check out our social media profiles to continue the conversation. We are on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

2017

 

 

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Gaslighting: From Partners To Politicians – How To Avoid Becoming A Victim

Posted on March 17, 2021 by Guest Contribution

Gaslighting: from partners to politicians – How to avoid becoming a victim by Stephan Lewandowsky

President Donald Trump’s statement on the horrific mass shooting in El Paso on August 3 that killed 22 people and injured 24 covered a lot of ground. From video games and mental illness to the death penalty, the president drew attention to many variables – but not to the semi-automatic guns that are often used in mass shootings. Instead, he claimed that “mental illness and hatred pulls the trigger, not the gun”.

The response angered many people who see tighter gun control as the only way to prevent such tragic events. Some even accused Trump of “gaslighting” – a psychological manipulation to erode someone’s sense of self and sanity – something that’s happened many times before.

Gaslighting & Intimate Relationships

gaslightingGaslighting typically refers to intimate relationships. It’s a way of controlling someone by creating false narratives – for example, that they are irrational or crazy. If such lies are repeated constantly, victims may get confused and start believing there really is something wrong with them. Confusion, diversion, distraction and disinformation can similarly be used to gaslight an entire society. So how can you tell if you are being gaslighted, and how do you avoid it in the first place?

Most people around us act in good faith. We cooperate with each other in conversations by conforming to norms such as honesty and relevance. We tell the truth and we do not mention irrelevancies without good reason. When people violate those maxims, we normally doubt their sincerity or honesty. But in gaslighting, lying is used in combination with persistent denial, misdirection and contradiction in a way that can make us doubt ourselves instead.

While politicians have always tried to divert attention from issues they consider threatening or uncomfortable, more than 10,000 claims during the Trump presidency have been judged to be false or misleading. This puts Trump – and many other leaders – in conflict with the cooperative norms that make society work.

When confusion, diversion, distraction and disinformation are ramped up so they become an omnipresent pollutant of public debate, we may end up losing faith in the very possibility of truthful discussion – or in our own views.

Take the Russian-made Buk missile which downed Malaysian Airlines MH17 in 2014. Pro-Kremlin websites engaged in massive gaslighting by denying it was a Russian missile, then saying it was a Ukrainian attack. Later on, they claimed the pilot had deliberately crashed the plane, and finally, they said it was all part of a vast conspiracy to turn the world against Russia.

Most of those claims don’t fit together and each is implausible. But the cumulative effect is one of confusion and distraction from the Russian involvement.

Gaslighting: Clear Signs

clear signsSo how can you know if you’re being gaslighted? A close relationship, such as that with a partner or a boss, will involve feeling confused and depressed. You may also be spending a lot of time apologising or making excuses for the gaslighter – even if you deep down know something is wrong.

If you complain about your experience to the gaslighter, you’d most likely be told it’s not real – you could even be scolded for making false accusations or for being too sensitive.

When it comes to politics, the signs are similar. You may feel confused and alone in the world, assuming nobody understands your point of view and that it must therefore be wrong. Take racism. You may have known exactly what it is. But when Trump accused US Congresswomen of colour of “racist hatred” in response to himself being criticised for racist remarks against them, this could have sown confusion about what racism actually means.

It is similarly hard to complain to a gaslighting leader. Several journalists who have questioned Trump have simply been banned from his conferences and told they do fake news.

Prevention

preventionBy the time you notice you are being gaslighted, a lot of damage may have already been done. There is evidence that prevention is actually better than cure – even in the context of pure disinformation. My colleagues and I have repeatedly shown that people can be “inoculated” against being misled if they are taught to recognise misleading rhetorical techniques.

For gaslighting, such techniques include open disbelief in facts or evidence and persistent denial of having done or said something, no matter what evidence points to the contrary.

Gaslighting also involves diversion, typically by triggering an emotional response. When Trump repeatedly criticised the cast of a Broadway play via Twitter after the actors pleaded for a “diverse America” at the end of a show, many people felt outraged and some rose to defend the actors.

But most people missed the fact that this Twitter event coincided with Trump agreeing to a US$25m settlement (including a US$1m penalty) of lawsuits against his defunct Trump University. An analysis of Google Trends confirmed the success of this diversion because the public showed far greater interest in the Broadway controversy than the Trump University settlement.

So the next time a politician says something outrageous, do not just be outraged – look for the real event that this shiny object is trying to distract you from. My colleagues and I have recently shown, in an as-yet-unpublished paper, that Trump masterfully diverts the media and the public from information that is threatening to him. Knowing that is a first step in preventing gaslighting. You can’t be gaslighted if you don’t get confused and you won’t get confused if you are not misled in the first place.

In her incisive analysis of totalitarianism, the philosopher and political theorist Hannah Arendt warned that in an incomprehensible world created by gaslighting, people “at the same time, believe everything and nothing, think that everything was possible and that nothing was true”.

Truth is at the heart of liberal democracy. No amount of gaslighting should divert us from that.

Credits

Stephan Lewandowsky, Chair of Cognitive Psychology, University of Bristol

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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